Sunday, December 31, 2006

All is quiet...

According to my Sarah Michelle Gellar 2006 callender, tonight is New Years Eve.
Should have known really, judging by the ammount of well wishers and party invites i've been flooded with. Honestly, its just so difficult wondering who to disapoint.
I'll be making 2 Resolutions.

1. To stop being sarcastic.
2. To not be here next New Years Eve.

All will surely be quiet this New Years Day.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

New Labour...the party of the people!

Seems poor old Tony Blair's New Year holiday in his luxury mansion in Miami was delayed due to some problem with the areoplane missing the runway. Seemingly none of the other passengers knew he was onboard as he was in Business class!
Ah...the traditional values of the Labour party just fill me with warmth and happiness. It's nice to know that all the turn of the (previous) centuries campaigning by the under privilidged working class was not in vain.
At last they have a party that understands completly the needs and values of the common man.
Isn't it great that we no longer have to suffer the slease and mis-management of the Tories.

Celebrity Geography lesson No 2.

Slowly recovering from my usual Christmas heavy cold (with Flu symptoms) i put on the telly for Celebrity Matermind tonight. I was familiar with one of the 'celebrities' which makes a pleasant change.
One of the contestants, a female singer apparantly, had the Specialist subject of ' British Pop Music 2000 - 2006'. If its anything after about 1979 the chances of me knowing any answers would be fairly slim.
Bit confusing though that considering the subject just some of the questions/answers were Westlife, U2 and Britney Spears?
British Pop Music?
I know that multi millionaire Bono (that well known humanitarian) was given an Honorary knighthood recently but i don't think he's changed his nationality just yet?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Christmas shoppers paradise.

With the Yultide season approaching and as another year goes by without a snog, i thought some quotes would be appropriate.

'But instead it just kept on raining'

'Just had enough of this Christmas farce, happiest time of the arse'

'Have yourself a merry, merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who have nothing
When you're drinkin down your wine'

'The older i get, the deeper in debt
Dusk gets nearer than dawn'

'Is this as good as it f**king gets'

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Northern Ireland 'Peace' Process

Just two things Mr Paisley if you are sitting comfortably..

1. You will NEVER be in Government with terrorists.
2. You will NEVER allow a foreign Government to have a say in the running of Northern Ireland.

Just in case you had forgotten....its why we voted for you.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Yet another pointless list??

I had to have a Barium Enema this week. Possibly the most humiliating and painful medical procedure known to man. Apart from the Colonoscopy and the Prostrate gland examination obviously. I suspect that giving birth isn't too pleasant either...but being of the male persausion i suppose i'll never find out.
Anyway, as i had my 21st bout of Picolax induced diorreah(sic) i got to thinking. I made a list of the top 5 people i'll like to see endure the dubious pleaseure of the Barium Enema. Not physically see but you get my drift.

1. Robbie Williams - he's a know he is.
2. Martin Maguiness - former Minister for education and self confessed IRA murderer.
3. Martin Lawrence - possibly the unfunniest person ever. With the possible exception of Josef Stalin or my ex boss David Brooks who had no sense of humour whatsoever.
4. Maragret Beckett - the world's ugliest politician.
5. Belladonna - my favourite porn star. Only because it would probably be a relief to her to have such a small tube pushed up her backside. As opposed to her usual assortment of items i.e. baseball bats etc. The woman has no shame.

More will come to mind i'm this space.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

For Erin...

The easy silence that you make for me
Its ok when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet that you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me...


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

This is the last voice you'll ever hear.

So North Korea are to test a nuclear
In two minds about this one.
Firstly, as an Independent Sovereign nation North Korea are quite entitled to do whatever they like. Unless they clearly threaten another nation noboby has any right to interfere with thier internal politics.
On the other hand, it is quite alarming. The threat of a nuclear war is a world problem. One that could engulf the entire planet and in the end destroy us all.
So what to do? No doubt the US are preparing already and the entire Arab world are finding some way to blame Israel.
Me...i'm off to watch Threads.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Stranglers in good album...horror....shock!

I was but a mere slip of a lad when i first heard Go Buddy Go on the radio. If my memory serves me correctly i was about 13. It changed my really.
The Stranglers have been a huge part of my life ever since. I've spent the best part of 30 years now collecting anything and everything that bears the name. For a long time i even wore nothing but black (still do now and again). Lots of Stranglers fans are obsessive, its a thing we have in common. Just the sound of JJ's bass or a Dave Greenfield synth run is enough to keep us going when things get rough.
Hasn't all been smooth though. When Hugh Cornwell left in 1990 it was the end of an era. The last Hugh album '10' was as good as anything they had ever done. The hits were still happening and it was a big big shock.
Stranglers mark 2 arrived. Lets call them the wilderness years, or the karaoke Stranglers years.
Roberts and Ellis just didn't fit in. John Ellis's insistence on fitting in a tinny guitar solo to every track was awful. Paul Roberts worked very hard but i didn't like the way he sang. I tried but it just didn't happen. The band i had grown up with had gone. Hughs solo albums were even worse.
There were a few gems hidden away, In Heaven She Walks was a great single that nobody bought.
Step forward Stranglers Mark 3. Ellis was gone (thankfully) by 2000, Roberts followed in 2006. Good bye and good luck. Stranglers fans worldwide rejoiced.
Suite XV1 the new album, the 2nd with Baz Warne has just been released. By God, its good.
It sounds like the Stranglers, it IS the they'd never been away.
I'm so happy i could really.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Bitter and

The funeral of Shirley Finlay took place last week.
This poor unfortunate young lady was brutally murdered and her body dumped in Ballymena. It appears that she was (amongst other things) strangled. Police also strongly suspect that she was sexually assaulted.
Apparantly she lived alone and had some fairly significant psychological problems. She also appears to have drunk a lot and had lived in several foster homes.
Neighbours were quick to gather around and the usual platitudes were dished out .i.e. 'she was a quiet girl who kept herself to herself'. In other words nobody knew anything whatsoever about her. She was, no doubt, 'that wierdo who lives down the street'.
The funeral was attended by several hundred 'mourners'.
I wonder how many of them had even given her the time of day during her short and tragic life.
How many even knew her name before they read it in the newspapers.
Did they ever buy her a bunch of flowers when she was alive? I very much doubt it!
This brings me to the point of this rant.
I refer to my previous 'Sick of being sick' posting.
I have a very small circle of friends ( and i use that expression is the loosest possible way).
ALL of them without exception now know that i was in hospital recently.
Not a phone call, email, fax, text or anything else has been forthcoming from any of them. I could still be in Hospital for all they know? God God i could be dead for all the difference it would make. Not one has even bothered to try and find out. Whilst i admit i'm sick on a fairly regular basis its not too much to ask that someone calls to find out?

I'm sure that if Shirley could see what had happened after her death she would be wondering what its all about.
The point is that the dead can take care of themselves, the living need the support!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Fucking golfing umberellas!
You know those humongus things with a 6 foot wing span and the nasty 4 inch spike at every hinge.
Probably really useful on the golf course but not for walking along Belfast's busiest street at 2 in the afternoon when its not even fucking raining!!
Here endeth the lesson.....

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sick of being sick.

Ended up in hospital again this week.
It was only an overnight stay but was as unwelcome as ever.
I have Crohns Disease. If you have never heard of it, its a fairly unpleasant bowel disorder which i've had for about the last 20 years. NOT to be confused at all with Irritable Bowel Syndrome which is a walk in the park compared to CD. They are often confused which is pretty annoying.
Anyway, there i was on Thursday having a resonably good day. Made the mistake of eating (as you do), and ended up in Hospital. Lots of vomiting and bowel spasms later.
Don't think i'll eat Tescos chicken soup again...ever!
Its getting a bit worrying though lately. This is the 3rd semi serious attack i've had in as many weeks.
Living alone and being sick is not recommended. There is nothing more depressing than puking into a basin at 4 in the morning and having no one about to help.
The worst is that i suppose i'll have to go back to work on Monday.
What joy!!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Double standards anyone??

I must confess i find the whole idea of the MOBO awards quite distasteful. That's Music of Black Origin for those not in the know.
An awards ceremony not based on talent, on sales or anything else. The only qualifying essential is the colour of your skin.
In 2006 such blatant racism should surely not be tolerated let alone shown on national TV.
I thought we were trying to move away from all that?
I wonder what the outcry would be if a MOWO award was started?

Monday, September 18, 2006

Got a strange letter through the post the other day.
In amongst all those plastic charity bags and letters telling me that i had just won £100,000 (all i have to to is phone a number at £6 a minute to claim!) was a pink envelope declaring 'Its a girl thing'.
There are no girls in my house but i opened it anyway.
Inside was a nice pen, a pink ribbon and a letter from Cancer Research asking me to donate to breast Cancer research.
A very worthwhile charity i'm sure you would agree.
However, 2 pages later i was most concerned to find no mention of the male sex at all?
Some googling later i discovered that last year in the UK approx 300 men died from breast cancer. Its most prevalent in the overweight apparantly.
Obviously the percentage amongst females is much much higher. That, however, is not the point.
For an official charity not even to mention the fact that breast cancer is not in fact 'a girl thing' is an absolute disgrace. Unlike for example Testicluar Cancer whilst is most definetly 'a boy thing'.
The public needs educated. Charities should be doing this instead of sending deliberatly false and misleading information in the post.
I feel a cheeky letter coming on.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

That 'How do you solve a problem like Maria' is compelling stuff, i'm very embarrased to admit.
I normally hate that whole reality TV stuff. The moron who won this years Big Brother is a testament as to how low TV producers will go in the name of 'entertainment'.
Siobhan (the peoples champ) scrapped though to the final by the skin of her perfect straight white teeth. I've thought she was really good right from the start. Tonight though Aoife was better. Its a shame.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Double standards anyone??

It seems that that nice Mr. Adams is on his his way to Israel to help the middle east in thier quest for peace. He is, seemingly, a bit of an expert on the subject?
He will not be meeting any of the Israeli parliament as they have rather sensibly told him were to go. Instead he will be meeting with his fellow 'freedom fighters' Hamas.
According to one news source Adams will be discussing, amongst other things, the subject of human rights. He has a deep conviction on this subject.
The hypocricy of this man beggars belief.
As the leader of the IRA he is indirectly responsible for over 2000 deaths here in Northern Ireland and on the British mainland.
I wonder how he feels about the human rights of his organisations victims? Or thier families? Or the thousands maimed and wounded by his 'army'.
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

ITN News?

So the European football qualifiers have started. The less said about that mighty footballing nation Iceland the better. Good God it gets more humiliating by the second.
As a sort of 'aside' to my last post, it was very interesting listening to the ITN news bulletin.
According to them 'The Republic of Ireland have the most difficult task of all the home countries'.
Perhaps i've missed something but since when have they been a Home Country?
Perhaps the ITN recruiters should include O level Geography as an essential qualification for candidates who wish to become newsreaders.

Monday, August 28, 2006

2 for 1?

Read a very interesting article in a recent edition of BBC History magazine.
Apparantly, technically speaking, the Republic of Ireland has never left the British Commonwealth and still holds the same status as e.g. Australia or Canada.
Here in Northern Ireland Protestant schools don't generally study Irish history so its not something i know an awful lot about. Think i'll have to look into this one a bit more?
Strange that you never hear that nice Mr Adams mention it?

The appaling news of further terrorist bombings in Turkey has got me thinking.
Early reports suggest that the attacks were carried out by Kurdish sepratists. Are these the same poor, downtrodan people that the good old US invaded Iraq to protect? Maybe they are related to those other bunch of 'nice terrorists' in the KLA that the US bombed Serbia to protect?

Just checking the recent FIFA world cup rankings and noticed one or two very strange annomalies.
Looks like Palestine and Kosovo have a little way to go to reach the top 100. Strange but i always thought they were Israel and Serbia? How can FIFA in all there wisdom offically recognise two countries who don't exist?
The mind boggles!!!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The Royal Mail

I read somewhere recently that the Royal Mail estimate that last year (2005) they made profits of approx £500 million on parcels sent for transactions from eBay.
So how then have Royal Mail rewarded those 10s of thousands of punters who trudge to thier local post office through wind, snow and rain with thier 99p eBay sales tucked neatly into thier Tescos bag for lifes?
By increasing thier prices.
Now a parcel is priced not only by weight but also by size and shape, resulting in a fairly large price rise all round.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Shine on you crazy diamond!

So Syd Barratt has died....
That old chestnut of 'Everyone loves you when you're dead' has never ever been so true. Everyone from Elton John to Captain Sensible has been droning on and on about the true genius of this man who was (incase you don't know) one of the founding members of Pink Floyd.
Anyone who is in any doubt, i beg you, have a listen to any of his solo albums. I have never in my entire life heard such utter utter bollocks. I get down on my knees every day and thank the good Lord that this pathetic excuse for a songwriter hid himself away from the rest of humanity for the last 30 years.
OK so Arnold Layne and See Emily Play were fairly good Pop singles but one listen to Bike or that one about the elephant sums up the wonderful (not) talent that he was. Roll on now the countless biographies and documentaries in celebration of his wonderful legacy.
There is a genius that was Pink Floyd. His name is Roger Waters.
Can you imagine Barratt writing The Wall? No neither can I!!

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Roy Castle has risen from the grave!!

Had a 'hot' date last Saturday night...
I've created a new world record...
I have the worlds largest ammount of attractive girls who want to be my friend.
I'm better than this and deserve more Mr Nice Guy.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Short Book Review

Reading is one of my big big hobbies. I love to read. Its mostly huge fantasy trilogies with names you can't pronounce that i like. And a map...its got to have a map and/or an index at the back.
I also like Charles Dickens and Stephen King.
This weeks finished book is 'Wicked Willow Omnibus' by Yvonne Navarro.
I was and am a big fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Throughout its 7 year run it was always pretty entertaining. I do hate the way book stores always have the Buffy novels in the childrens section ..... but that is a rant for another day.
This one is the omnibus edition of 3 books and runs to a fairly impressive 800 pages (or thereabouts). Its set around the time when Tara was killed and Willow went a wee bit funny. OK a big bit funny.
Like a lot of tie in novels its not very good. Its not awful...just not very good.
The writer has, in her defence, perfectly caught some the issues that made Buffy so good. The interplay between the characters is pretty much spot on. Some of the banter between Xander and Anya is as comical as it was on screen. She also knows her stuff and the continuity is also first rate with no huge mistakes that i can find.
Its just well, not very good.
The writer seems to find any excuse to show of her knowledge of the show by introducing characters who have no bearing on the plot whatsoever. e.g. Spike, Oz, Amy (the rat) and even Riley pop up and one point or another. Tara appears as a ghost for the length of the entire book!
The plot moves along nicely enough but just dosen't ring true for me. In a nutshell its all about Willows attempts to resurrect Tara.
Giles is paralised. Giles, Dawn and Zander are almost killed on one occassion. The Magic Box is reduced to rubble on at least 2 occasions. There are no consequences of this?
All in all its entertaining enough....but just nothing special.
I would give it 2 out of 5. If i were writing for one those over priced magazines. Which i not, obviously!