Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My defeatist attitude?

As yet another day goes by without any direct communication with another member of the human race it got me to thinking.....
I wonder if i died tonight whilst asleep how long it would take before my body was found?  Would the Postman (or Postperson..i have a lady Postman!) wonder that my mail was stacking up?  Would my neighbours report a strange smell? The window cleaner might need paying?  Maybe stray dogs would gather out side my front door or hundreds of Blue bottles would be happily laying some eggs on my mortal remains?
All the possible scenarios might take a while....
I might even make the local newspapers.....'The body of a man was found etc. etc.' Instead of telling the truth  the neighbours and members of my so-called 'family' would all gather to say 'he was a quiet bloke.  Kept himself to himself'.  'How would we know.  we've ignored him for the last 30 years' would be more appropriate.
My Facebook and various Forum friends might wonder where i've gone if i'm away for a few days?  Who knows a lot of them might even be genuinely sorry.
So what would happen at my funeral?  Who would arrange it.  I haven't got a will so who would actually know that i want to be cremated and that i want my ashes spread on the terraces at Seaview, where i've spent some of my happiest hours?  Would anyone know that i want Kenickies Acetone played as my coffin went into the pyre.
Who would speak at the service?  Who would actually go?  What would they say?  Does anyone actually know anything about my life and how miserable it has been for the last 25 years or so?  How i go to bed every night not wanting to wake up in the morning.  How, sometimes i study the bottle of Seroxat and know that it would only take a few to do the job?  How sometimes the urge to pull my car into an uncoming truck is almost unbearable?  It's pretty unlikely, i would imagine.
Still out of the woodwork they would all come.  My coffin would be carried by some relative i hadn't seen in years.  Old work friends would gather and reminisce about the 'good old days' and i'd imagine that most would be sorry that they hadn't made more of an effort.  Someone might even put a notice in the newspaper, some might even see it, sigh for a few seconds before getting on with their lives.
My house would be cleared by some unknown stranger.  All my crap would be binned or taken to the nearest Charity shop.  Bob and Tailor would be put up for adoption in Pets at Home.  The house would be sold and someone would use the money to pay off my fairly substantial Credit Card debts and the rest would go to my next of kin.  No one would know that that my Stranglers collection is worth 10's of thousands of pounds and some one in the Cancer Research shop would have the luckiest day of their life.
My Minister often tells me that life is all part of God's plan.  That everyone has a purpose and that things are meant to be?  Someone up there is clearly having a laugh.
I wonder what my legacy would be?  How i'd be remembered?  What would people say when they thought about me?  He was in  band once?  He liked some foreign singer?  He watched the Crues?  He was good to his Mum?
Or maybe...just maybe i'm having a bad day?