What's another year?

It's approaching 2008 now and as yet another year goes by without a snog; i thought i'd celebrate the Hogmany with some inspiring words from the lyrical genius that is James Robert Morrison:-

'Suicide isn't painless

it hurts like hell.

It's set aside for the famous

a little suicide sells.

Nothing lasts forever

but nothing ever did.

It's big but it's not clever

and it's really not that big.

So no more tears

you're a big boy now.

We'll have a few more beers

and sort it out somehow'.

Thanks Jim (and enjoy the tea).

Merry Fuckingchristmas!

Couldn't let the season of Goodwill to All Men go by without a brief comment here from Junkmale world. It's a quote from the excellent Weddings Parties Anything album 'They Were Better Live'.

'Just about sick of this Christmas Farce,
happiest time of the year, My Arse'

Sums it all up perfectly, i think.

Change the Record.

I watched one of those reality Police shows on the telly last night. Can't remember what it was called but part of the show followed some London traffic Police who were using newish technology to catch people who were driving without insurance. The device scanned the vehicles number plate and was able to tell almost instantly whether or not the car was properly insured. Driving this way is not as 'trivial' as most would imagine. Just wait until you have a No Fault accident with an uninsured driver!

Anyway, one particular upstart of a woman was stopped without the appropriate insurance. The poor Police Constable that had to deal with this woman had to suffer a torrent of verbal abuse. The woman's excuse was.....'You only stopped me because i am black'.

Good God but it pissed me off. I am so fed up with that attitude.

Others include 'Its because I'm white, a woman/man, Roman Catholic/Protestant, Gay/Straight, Tall/Small, Fat/Thin, Disabled etc etc. The list is almost endless.

How i wish these sort of people who use irrational excuses would, for once, take the chips of their collective shoulders. Or 'wake up and smell the coffee' as our American cousins might say.

The woman in question had no insurance? The colour of her skin was as irrelevant just as much to the Police as it is to you and me.

In other news, I'm saddened to see that ex Northern Ireland manager Lawrie Sanchez (see picture) has been sacked as manager of Fulham. I don't follow the English game much but it seems a harsh decision. OK, results were not good but they could at least have given the man until the new year to try and improve. One or two wins over the busy Christmas and New Year period would have changed everything. It's a cutthroat world is football management. I would have loved to see Sanchez succeed. He will always be a legend in Northern Ireland for what he achieved here.

I bet Nigel Worthington wishes he had signed the contract now?

You, me and the BNP.

Numerous times in the past I've been asked if i support the BNP.
No i don't. Or the really honest answer is No I can't? To date the BNP have never (as far as i am aware) fielded a candidate in Northern Ireland. Therefore, even if i wanted to support them i couldn't physically do so.
Would i vote for them if they did (as they often promise) field some candidates? I'd certainly think about it. I will 'cross that bridge' as the old saying goes.
Sometimes though i have a quick look at the BNP website. Sometimes it's bollocks sometimes it's spot on.

http://www.bnp.org.uk/?p=69

I was going to post a comment on what's happening in Serbia but the writer here says it all really.
It's a disgraceful situation where yet again terrorism seems to have won.
Serbia is a beautiful country with a proud and distinct history. It MUST have our support now in it's time of need.
Kosovo IS Serbia.
The US backed UN must withdraw now and leave this internal dispute in the lawful hands of the Serbian Authorities.

A quick example of whats really going on in the Kosovan region.

http://www.srbija.sr.gov.yu/vesti/vest.php?id=41620

In the News Today.

Two news items had me foaming at the mouth today.

Firstly this one:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7133858.stm

It appears that the chuckle brothers are having a jolly good time in the 'home of Democracy and freedom' this week. Doesn't it just make your heart burst with pride.
It really is beyond contempt what Paisley has done.
Surprised though that Hilary Clinton has stated that there is now an 'open door' at the Whitehouse for these 2 pathetic excuses for men.
Strange, Hilary but i thought there was already an 'open door' in the Whitehouse for the IRA?
When was St.Patricks Day again?
Dontcha just love the Global War on Terror.

Secondly was this one:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/boxing/7133862.stm

Seems that Racism is rife in the world of Boxing?
Bernard Hopkins has 'taunted' our own (or Italy's) Joe Calzaghe, calling him 'white boy' and boasting that he will never be beaten by a white man.
Now just picture for a second the world's reaction had Joe called Hopkins 'black boy' or in fact made any mention of his skin colour at all.
Good God, WW3 would have been declared, Joe would, naturally, have been branded a BNP thug and Gordon Brown would have straight onto Bush with an apology.
It's the other way around though and the worlds reaction....silence.
Bernard Hopkins is racist scum and i hope I'm not the last to say it.

Batman in the Launderette?

I remember a great song by a band called The Shapes called, strangely enough, Batman in the Launderette.

They were a sort of late 70's comedy Punk band. It was great.

I didn't meet Batman today but i did have a very pleasant chat with local Alliance Party MLA, David Ford in the butchers shop.

Good God the man can talk. All i did was say 'Hello David'. Had me there for about 20 minutes.

I did however get the chance to ask him about fellow assembly member and convicted terrorist Catriona Ruane and her announcement today to scrap the 11+ selection examination for 11 year olds in Northern Ireland.

He was none to impressed. He did say that whilst he agreed in principal with her proposals that he had asked her a question 3 times and that she had refused to give a straight answer? Not like a politician then? And Ms Ruane can't be described as a politician at the best of times.

The rest of the conversation was only about the weather and stuff.

I don't vote Alliance. As an Anti-Agreement Unionist i don't actually vote at all anymore simply because I've got no one to vote for?

I do respect, however what the Alliance Party have tried to achieve throughout the years.

Unfortunately for them, sitting on the fence doesn't pull much weight in Northern Ireland.

IRA supporters will vote for the IRA. Unionists will vote for one of the Unionist Parties simply to try and keep the 'other' side out.

The more things change the more things stay the same.

Sticks and Stones....?

Here in Northern Ireland we have a particular strong vocabulary for using derogatory terms to describe the 'other' religion.
You have the usual Fenian, Taig, Orange Bastard etc. All equally repulsive and most factually untrue. e.g. The Fenian movement disbanded many years ago, i believe and contrary to popular belief a good percentage of Protestants are not members of the Orange Institution. Most probably know their fathers as well i would presume?
I live in a very sectarian corner of this green and unpleasant land and lately I've been puzzled by some of the graffiti which appears on a regular basis on my gable wall.
Firstly there was A.H.A.T. It didn't offend me because i didn't have a clue what it meant.
A friend of mine has since informed that it means 'All Huns Are Targets'?
Apparently Hun is now a derogatory term used to mean Protestants? Yes, I'm confused too.
Back in the day, when i were a lad, Hun was a term used in comics and films starring Clark Gable, to means Germans during the 2ND World War? What connection this has to Protestants remains unknown.
Another even more confusing one was 'Black Bastards'. This, i again wrongly assumed was some sort of racial remark against our coloured cousins? Apparently not. I'm reliably informed that 'Black' is another term meaning Protestant?
I'm really confused now.
I've no objection to be verbally abused (well i have but you know what i mean), but can it be considered offensive when the recipient doesn't understand it?
As usual, answers on a postcard...

My latest passion.

This is Kelly Clarkson.

She is a babe. And she Rocks.

A perfect combination.

Hallowfuckingween

It's Halloween...in case you haven't noticed.
Two things spring to mind.
Firstly, i just watched one of the worst films I've ever seen. Not up there with the likes of Q, the Winged Serpent in the truly appalling stage but pretty bad nonetheless.
Halloween:Resurrection. The 7Th or 8Th i think in the once quite good series. It really was awful. And worse than that Katee Sackoff from The New Battlestar Galactica was in it. I'm sure she doesn't include that one in her resume.

Secondly, fireworks. Fireworks (apart from the indoor variety) are banned and illegal in Northern Ireland. Why then is it that from about the end of August all you can hear are dozens of the bloody things going off? Drives my dog insane (and the less said about the Hamsters the better).
Tonight it's worse than ever. Now don't get me wrong, if people wish to let off fireworks that is up to them. It's just that why...oh why....do they have to do so at 4am in the morning!
Surely, there's a time and a place.

Bad DUP/Good DUP?

On an exciting day for local politics it's hat's off to Margaret Ritchie. As the Minister responsible she has lived up to her promise and withdrawn funding from a project that is 'linked' to the UDA.
Couldn't agree more. The UDA have made no effort whatsoever to distance themselves from terrorism or crimininality. They deserve exactly what they got...nothing. Keep up the good work Margaret....and i never thought i'd ever be saying that about a SDLP Minister.

On a similar note it's shame on the DUP Deputy Leader Peter Robinson to objecting. He did manage to quote some legal techobabble but as the old saying goes ' a blind man could see through him'. It was pathetic and embarrasing Peter. Unionism has to fully distance themselves from any kind of so called Loyalist Paramilitaries. Today, Peter, you played right into the hands of your enemies.

More hat's off, however, to another DUP Minister Edwin Poots for scrapping the nonsense that was the Irish Language Act. I didn't for a minute think that he would have the courage to do it, but he did. This act is laughable. English is the first language of Northern Ireland. If individuals wish to learn or speak Irish that is entirely up to them. Just like French, Spanish, Hungarian or any other foreign language. Funds that could (and now will be) used elsewhere are far more important than this nonsense.

So it's 5 points for Margaret and Edwin and a big fat 0 for Peter.
Could it all be falling apart at the seams? Watch this space.

The God like genius that is David Rainey!

Cometh the hour, Cometh the man!

Discrimination gets me down!

Nice to see that the lovely COE Alistair Darling has upped the threshold for Inheritance Tax.
With property prices rising beyond all expectations its only right that this unfair tax should be raised as a consequence.
As ever, there are conditions.
The threshold has only be raised for couples.
As ever, single people (who live alone) miss out yet again.
The tax system already discriminates against single people and this only increases the burden.
Council Tax for example is based on the value of the property and not on how many people actually live in the property. Thus, a single person pays the same amount as a household with 4 or 5 persons (of which 2 or more could in theory be in full time employment).
The proposed water tax is going to be exactly the same.
It really is about time some political party highlighted this issue, or am i the only one who feels cheated in this way?

Classic lyrics of our time part 1046!

'I am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else does'

SPM

Big Issue....anyone?

Bought the Big Issue today.
I usually buy it on a fairly irregular basis. Not as some charity thing for Romania's homeless but mainly because its a fairly decent read. Passes the time on the way home bus.
However (isn't there always a however), it now seems that Belfast's streets no longer have the proper magazine but instead have 'Ireland's' Big Issue? Lots of not interesting articles about Cork and Wexford though.
It's yet another sign of the ongoing Paddyfication of Northern Ireland and Belfast in particular.
I would like to find out what the marketing genius behind selling a foreign magazine in this part of the United Kingdom was thinking when he made this decision.

Classic quotes of our time part 94.

'Life sucks and then you die and then it sucks some more'

Georgia Lass
Dead Like Me

Enlightened Iran

Poor old Iran has been getting a lot of bad press recently.
What with the alleged Nuclear arsenal they have and their lunatic leader saying some very dangerous things about Israel and what not.
However, i was just reading in one of the 'quality' papers that Mobile Phones are banned in Iran. Use in public is a flogging offence.
What absolute joy!
Its almost as good a law as Oliver Cromwell banning dancing.
Now i could write a book about the things that piss me off about Mobiles, but, i swear if i hear 'hello...hello....i'm on the bus' one more time I'm going to go insane.
The Mobile is without doubt the biggest blights in any modern society. Great for what its designed for i.e. in an emergency, but God help us all, people just can't take their eyes off the f**king things for more than 5 milliseconds!
Viva Iran!

Classic Lyrics of our Time (Part 93)

'The shit we talk at disco's, the world over sounds the same'

Mick Thomas
Weddings Parties Anything
1993

The Kindness of Strangers

My Dad died.
It's a strange feeling. The last few weeks have been a bit of a haze. Like a bad dream where you think you'll wake up and everything will be OK?
Only it isn't. It's real.
It's like it's happening to somebody else and you're just looking on?
It's where i go from here that's the problem.
It's incredible how much you take for granted until it's gone.
I suppose at the end of the day the old duffer was 78 but God, i wish he'd gotten to 79. Or 89.
One good thing, if you can call it a good thing, is the kindness of strangers. Work colleagues, friends have all been great. Couldn't have asked for more.
Now it's just me and my Mum. Who's not good. No, not good at all.
As Jim-Bob once said, and my Dad liked a bit of Jim-Bob (believe it or not).

Don't get Sick
Don't get Old
Don't be poor
Do what you're told.

Its a fine philosophy.

In the end there can be only one.

As i slowly recover from my Ganglion removal surgery some bad news has blighted the usual uneventful life of Junkmale.
Bill Panzer has died after a short illness.
For those not in the know Bill Panzer was the co-creator of the Highlander series of Movies and TV spin offs.
Highlander: The Series remains one of my favourite TV shows. Its always been puzzling to me why it never had a higher profile or the success that it deserved. Except in France where they love it apparently? Anyone who has yet to discover it; the DVD box sets are always reasonable on eBay. With the 5th movie heading to cinemas later this year and Peter Wingfield now 'starring' in Holby City, hopefully now the franchise will be renewed and continue without its guiding light.

Rest in Peace Bill.

Yours Truly, Angry Mob

Been a very unusual week here in Junkmale land.

Firstly there was the small matter of Local Elections to a Devolved Government in Northern Ireland that i want no part of.
Off i went to vote anyway only to discover, much to my embarrassment that my Driving Licence had expired. Oops!
Now that i have IRA terrorist Mitchell McLaughlin as my MLA though, things can surely only get better.

Received, about 5th hand, some rather upsetting news about a friend of mine. Who then proceeded to verbally lambast me for having the audacity to be.......concerned? Cleared up later though after being informed that i am so desperate for a relationship that i will spend years cultivating a friendship on the remote possibility of having one! The words Don't and Flatter Yourself sprung to mind.

On the subject of verbal lambasment, my favourite blog http://www.everythingulster.com/ has been all cock-a-hoop this week. What with the Elections and what not.
Normally, Beano is pretty spot on with his news and views. This time however, i disagreed.
Debate is one thing, lowering oneself to personal abuse in order to win an argument is other.
Catch yourself on...indeed!

Stranglers drummer Jet Black is very ill with some sort of heart complaint.

Highlight of the week is the new album from Kaiser Chiefs..Yours Truly, Angry Mob. Its really rather good.

And then there is those generous Chaps at Sony. Not only will Europe have to pay a hugely inflated price for the PS3, but also, according to a 'reliable source' a good percentage of PS2 software will not work on PAL consoles. Thanks guys.

Last, but by no means, least - Loughgall 0 Crusaders 5. Now theres something you don't see every day.

Once in a blue.....?

I'm considering some cosmetic surgery this weekend.
The letters M-U-G tattooed across my forehead and a doormat attached to my back will do for a start.

Played by men with odd shaped balls?

Its nice to see that the annual farce of the Six Nations Rugby has begun again.

Firstly, i hate Rugby with a passion. Being a Grammar school boy i was forced to play this appalling excuse for a sport during my formative years. An experience i will never ever forget.

But, down to this particular competition.

'Ireland' is not an nation. It is an Island that houses 2 separate nations i.e. Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. For Rugby, for whatever reason, the countries are combined.

I 100% object to this and fail to understand how the sports governing authorities allow players from 2 different foreign countries to get away with it.

Can you imagine Scotland selecting Wayne Rooney for the next football World Cup qualifier simply because they live on the same Island?

If respect was shown to the Northern Irish players it might be different. All games are played in Dublin, the Republic of Ireland's flag is raised and the National Anthem of Northern Ireland is never played.

Parity of esteem it's not.

If they want to introduce a 7 nations championship i am all for it. To include England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, France and Italy.

At least that way it would be Geographically and Historically correct.

Pictured are some 'Ireland' fans celebrating the inclusion of the Ulstermen on the team.

With friends like these......

Read a very interesting news article the other day.
Apparently, jails here in the UK are in such a state of overcrowding that the Government has decided to begin a process of ' repatriating' foreign criminals to their own countries.
Couldn't agree more. Don't like the idea of having to pay tax to accommodate foreigners. However, there is a major fly in the soup. Criminals from the Republic of Ireland don't count because of 'the unique and special friendship that exists between the UK and ROI'.
Is this the same unique and special friendship that remained neutral during 2 world wars, refueled German submarines, harbored IRA terrorists, never once extradited even one back to the UK and whose constitution contains an illegal claim to authority over a part of the UK?
Oh yes, it's unique all right.

A little ditty for Valentines Day

'When the postman don't come on Valentines Day
When Santa don't come on Christmas Day
When your umberella won't open on a rainy day
Don't ask me , i already know'

Martin Fry
Somewhere in Gold Lame land

Short quote that i really liked.

'Life is a solitary affair and happiness a transitory blip between sorrow and death'

Sylvie Simmons
MOJO Magazine Staff Writer