Making plans for Nigel?

As a new round of International fixtures looms, here's a short message to Mr.Worthington.

THIS IS DAVID RAINEY......

In other world news the financial crisis deepens. In the USA the Government has stepped in with a multi billion dollar rescue package and closer to home my Government has nationalised the Bradford & Bingley. I'm not a financial expert but it seems to me that Banks are businesses like any other? If they are failing due to mis-management or whatever that is their problem? I don't see why my taxes should be used to bail out a failing company just because the Government says so. When my Dad was alive and ran a Petrol Station nobody gave him any tax payers money when he had a 'bad week', why should it be any different for anyone else? If i was American i would be very very unhappy.

Nice to see that the Conservative Party have stated at their annual Conference that will field candidates at every Constituency in Northern Ireland. And about time too.

In theory anyway this could mean the beginning of the end of the 'tribal' politics we have had here since partition. I'm not a particular supporter of the Tories but given a choice between the local Parties and the Conservatives, i know where my votes going. Lets hope they live up to their promises and that Labour and the Liberal Democrats follow suit.

Famiclone Update #9

I think the Sony Solicitors will love this one?

This is the Double Match Game handheld and it's made by somebody or other in China.

As you can see it's remarkably like the PSP. Right down to the box artwork.

It's a very impressive piece of kit. Comes with 5 built in games and mine arrived with a Multi-Cart containing 112 extra. All games are the usual NES/Famicom ones or hacks of the same. There is a pretty good selection and the Multi-Cart doesn't appear to have the usual set of games repeated over and over. I've only checked about 30 but so far so good. Carts are the same size and shape of GBA cartridges and One Station Carts also work fine.

It takes 4 AAA batteries but 9v mains adaptors are also supported.

Comes with English Manual, AV cables and a second handset. TV out and two player games are supported. TV out is fine.

Buttons are laid out exactly like those of the PSP and are acceptably responsive. The screen is smaller but is bright and clear. It is , as you would expect, a lot lighter than the PSP.

The only problem I've had is that one of the battery covers won't stay on when batteries are in place but that's a minor quibble.

Excellent stuff from those good people over at http://www.dealextreme.com/. Cost was about £20.

Short Book Review

MAGGIE O'FARRELL

THE VANISHING ACT OF ESME LENNOX

I have a story about Maggie O'Farrell.

You know how it is when you start a new job. You always spend the first few days dandering about with that 'Please give me some work to do' look on your face. Well i started a new job a while ago and deep within the depths of my new and almost empty desk i found a battered copy of Ms O'Farrell's 'After You'd Gone'. I dismissed it as a 'Woman's book' but was really bored one lunchtime and started to read it. It was fantastic.

This one is fantastic too.

It concerns a girl who discovers that she has a previously unknown Great Aunt who is to be released from a Psychiatric Unit. The girl befriends the Great Aunt and slowly but surely the events of her tragic life are exposed.

Ms O'Farrell has a wonderful imagination and perfectly tells the story of Esme Lennox. It's without a doubt one of the best novels i have ever read with each chapter containing a different and unexpected twist in this poor woman's life.

The only downside is that it ends too soon and the ending is a little bit ambiguous leaving this reader wanting more and wondering what actually happened in those last few chapters.

Very highly recommended!!

Famiclone Update #8

Here we have the Play & Game Cassette Vision by YSN.

A fairly standard Famiclone from China.

110V and plays Japanese Famicom Cartridges. No built in Games.

2 Controllers, power supply and AV cables are provided but no instruction manual.

YSN seem to producing a lot of Clones and I've a few more of their efforts to list soon.

It's fine. Well built and the controllers are responsive.

Nothing much more to say really. It's standard, it works and the box is nice.

Famiclone Update #7

Got 4 new systems this week but haven't had time to test them all yet so i thought i would start listing some Pirate Famicom Cartridges. I've got dozens of these things and there are probably hundreds, if not thousands of different examples available. It's another of the things i love about collecting Clones.

This one is a single game pirate called NBA Basketball.

It's 60 pin and for the Japanese Famicom. Not 100% sure that this is a pirate but i can't find it listed on any Famicom cartridge sites so i presume it is? If anyone knows any more info feel free to let me know.

It's a sh*t basketball game. I hate most sports games with a passion anyway and don't even know the rules of basketball so was bound to hate it.

Foot in Mouth disease....

As the competition hots up for this years 'Stupid Bitch of the year' awards, a surprise new entrant is none other than Hollywood 'starlet' and ex squeeze of Marilyn Manson, Rose McGowan.

Ms. McGowan has just finished filming some movie about those brave 'soldiers' and erstwhile 'freedom fighters' of the IRA.

Commenting on the film McGowan said that she would have been happy to have joined the IRA and that 'my heart just broke for the cause'.

Oh dear dear me.

Perhaps, as one of many many examples, McGowan would have liked to have planted the bomb at La Mon House? Or blown the legs off a few soldiers and Policemen? Or kidnapped, tortured and murdered Jean McConville?

Or, considering that this is the anniversary of the 9/11 New York bombings her heart might also have 'broke' for those poor downtrodden jihad martyrs?

At worst this is naivety beyond contempt. There is no at best.

Why 'C' list celebrities have to keep opening their stupid mouths about things they know f*ck all about is beyond me. (I'm sighing loudly now).

Short Video Game Review.

My latest completed game is this one.

Sacred Plus for PC CDROM. An RPG by Ascaron.

It's easily reviewed in three short words - Generic, Boring and Repetitive.

First of all it looks OK. A Diablo style 2.5D world with none of those horrible third person 3D shenanigans that are impossible to control and make me feel ill.

The storyline is the usual type of nonsense for this type of thing. A world in danger when an ancient magic is released etc etc. I lost interest in the plot very very quickly.

It's easy enough to get into and all though it initially looks complicated it's not really. The interface is fine with quick select buttons in all the proper places.

The bad points are numerous i'm afraid. 'A massive world' it says on the box. It's not. Considering i completed the game with only 39% discovered is testament to that. A big proportion of the map is covered by inaccessible forest which limits your movement somewhat.

There are numerous side quests but they do quickly become very boring. 'Save my daughter who has been kidnapped by Orcs' type affairs. Problem is that they are far too easy. After levelling up a bit they are all the same. Kill a lot of random characters, nick the weapons etc they drop move on to the next similar quest....ho..hum.

There are also numerous glitches in the game. Quests that don't register as completed (even though they are) is a particular irritant.

AI is also hit and miss. Some enemies will just stand idly by whilst you pick them off from a distance, not moving even with 5 arrows stuck in them.

Another problem is that by about half way through you have the best weapon and it can't be upgraded any more and end up having to pick up 100's of inferior items just in case something worth buying might eventually appear in one of the shops.

The magic system seems to be tacked on with very little thought or imagination. You don't have to use it anyway as by the time you actually need it you have a strong enough weapon to cope with anything the game throws at you.

It ends with a wimper. The legend 'To be continued' is displayed. Somebody kill me...please!!!!

In all, very disappointing. And to think i wasted almost 40 hours on this. That BTW is not because the game is challenging, just that i'm shit at games.

Long may it last.....

Now here's something you don't see every day.
For a week at least....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/irish/irish_prem_tables/default.stm

So...is it just me?

Been a bit of a strange few weeks in the world...
First, cast your mind back a few years. Iraq invades Kuwait. The entire civilised world does the right thing, sends in the troops and the proper order is restored (for a while anyway).
Russia invades Georgia, and it IS an invasion. The civilised world does....nothing.
Georgia has every right to defend it's territory from separatist terrorists and Russia has no right to interfere in a sovereign nations affairs.
So, where are the tanks and troops now? Let Georgia join NATO. Flood the place with NATO troops and Russia might think twice about attacking again.
A bit closer to home and today was the 10Th anniversary of one of the most heinous acts in Northern Ireland's short and bloody history.
I am of course meaning the Omagh bombing where 29 innocent civilians (+ 2 unborn babies) were murdered by a 'Real' IRA car bomb.
Make no mistake, this event was not carried out by 'dissident' Republicans, the 'Real' IRA or anyone else. It was the IRA in whatever shape and form they like to model themselves. They carried out this attack and their attempts to distance themselves from it is almost as sickening as the event itself.
To mark the occasion a memorial event was held in Omagh, although for numerous reasons many of the injured victims and some relatives stayed away.
Who then was sitting in the front row at the service? Yep, you've guessed it. None other than, self confessed IRA commander Martin McGuiness.
I wonder what the victims families thought about his presence? McGuiness knows exactly who carried out this attack and his presence is an affront to respect and common decency. This man has blood on his hands. Of that there is no doubt. He didn't 'rise' to become commander of the IRA in Londonderry by being good at paperwork. He should be behind bars. Instead he sits at an event like this! It beggars belief. DUP MP Jeffrey Donaldson sat comfortably beside him.
There is one of those Militant Christians who is often in Belfast's City Centre. He wears a sandwich board saying 'The End of The World is Nigh'
You know he just might be right.

Famiclone Update #6

Here we have it then, not a Famiclone at all but the MD Max Lite handheld.

Made in China as usual and available in Blue, Black and White. A 2.7" colour TFT screen with TV out function. AV cables are included.

5 face buttons and the usual D pad controller.

No built in games.

As far as i know this one is the 'Big Brother' of the more common One Station Console (I'll update with that one soon).

It's 16 bit and the games come in minute cartridges. They really are the smallest carts i've ever come across. I got 2 carts with this one (see picture).

One is a 3 game multi cart, the other a 4 game one. Games are Mega Drive or hacks of Mega Drive games. I love the way the cart boxes mimic those of the GBA.

The games listed on the 4 game cart are incorrect as only 1 of them, Batman, is actually included.

Screen is bright and clear and the buttons are responsive. Very well made.

Further carts seem to be easy enough to get hold of and are very cheap. I've ordered some more from www. Superufo.com.

It cost 99p from a Hong Kong eBay seller.

Not a bad effort at all.

Sing if you're proud to be straight!

As a (fairly) normal Heterosexual male i was pretty unimpressed to get caught up in Belfast's Gay Pride parade last Saturday. Same thing happened last year.

It would be very hypocritical to call myself a Homophobe as i have enough Lesbian porn to last 10 men a lifetime. I enjoy Lesbian porn as i don't particularly want to look at another blokes swinging scrotum thank you very much. My own is bad enough.

However, i admit that i find the very thought of 2 men engaging in buggery (or even heavy petting) absolutely repulsive. It makes my skin crawl. Having had the dubious pleasure of the flexible sigmoidiscope on numerous occasions I can't possibly imagine what pleasure anyone can derive from such an act.

What 2 consenting adults get up to in the privacy of their own homes is, i believe, entirely up to them. What i don't see dosen't hurt me. This is precisely where i have a big problem with this parade.

From the little i did see of it, it appeared to be a lot of blokes dressed as women, gyrating themselves on floats to really bad disco music?

I was always led to believe that being a Transvestite and a Homosexual where two entirely different things? Apparently not.

I have witnessed many Gay men on TV stating that they just want to be left alone to get on with their lives. Fair enough.

So what then is the purpose of such a parade? All it does is to cement the stereotype many have of Homosexual men (in particular). Look at the 'bloke' in the picture. What's he trying to prove?

I would have no desire to take part in a Straight Pride parade as my sexuality is mine and nobody Else's concern.

Parades like Saturdays do the Gay community more harm than good and should cease forthwith.

Famiclone Update #5

Here we have the FC Mobile from Hyperkin.

It is exactly what it looks like i.e. a portable NES/Famicom. Back lit with a 2.4" LCD screen. Mines Red but it also comes in black.

AV cable and instruction manual are included along with the normal set of buttons and a handy headphone socket. 2 built in speakers. Sound quality is fine. It takes 3 AA batteries.

Hyperkin clones are usually of fairly good quality and this one is no exception. The screen is bright and clear and the buttons are responsive.

Takes NES cartridges. Not sure if it's PAL or NTSC? A lot of NES carts are non region specific anyway. It's made in China.

Not many problems with it. Carts are a bit of a tight fit and the large size of NES carts means that they wobble about a bit. I have a few portables and this is a problem with them all. But it's a minor complaint.

On the whole then it's pretty good for NESing on the go. Reasonably solid build.

Cost was about £15 with the normal extortionate shipping fees from the USA.

Famiclone Update #4

Here we go with another bizarre one from my collection.

This time it's the X-80000! Probably made in a sweatshop somewhere in China. There is no indication anywhere on the packaging to suggest where it originates.

'Cunningly' disguised as a XBox 360, it even comes in black and white. At least that's what the packaging would have you believe.

It includes 2 controllers, light gun, AV cables and a 9 volt power supply. It's 120w so needs a step down converter here in the UK.

Takes Japanese Famicom cartridges. I've tested a few and it seems to work OK.

It also has an amazing 58000 built in games! It doesn't as usual but does in fact have 53 repeated ad infinitum. The usual assortment of games ranging from the great, the average and the appalling. Circus Charlie seems to be a particular favourite of the makers as it pops up under different names about every 6 games or so.

All similarities with Microsoft's beast disappear rapidly when you try and use the thing.

It's the lightest console I've ever seen. The controllers are also the most unresponsive pieces of crap I've ever come across on a Famiclone (and I've got a lot of Famiclones). They also have the usual set of buttons, including 2 shoulder buttons, which serve no purpose whatsoever.

Other irritants are that the AV cable is about 2 feet long (just).

The big green X on the front is amusing as it's lit with a Red bulb which sort of defeats the purpose.

On the whole then it's not great but has a reasonable selection of games. The box is nice too.

Cost was about £20 from an eBay seller in the USA.

Short Book Review

Like many, of a certain age, a battered copy of James Herbert's 'The Rats' made it around my old school playground. It was like a secret that everybody knew. Hey, it had giant rats eating babies and loads of shagging. Perfect fodder for any adolescent. Read it again, as an adult and it's bollocks.

I stopped reading Herbert around about the time of 'The Magic Cottage'. Never went back until recently when i bought a copy of 'Others' for 10p in a Charity shop.

So whats it all about?

Very quickly.....a bad man is granted release from Hell in order to make up for his deeds whilst living. In return he will be granted a reprieve from eternal damnation. Problem is he will be a different person with no memories of his previous life and no knowledge that he has been released from Hell. Is that clear? Good?

The book starts badly. The Hell passages are very tongue in cheek and therefore it's difficult to give them any credibility. The middle section of the book is excellent.

The Hell returnee is badly physically disabled and Herbert's describes his life very well indeed. His frustration and depression with his disability is gripping stuff leaving the reader feeling a great affinity with the man. I've no idea whether or not Herbert has personal knowledge of living with a disability but he certainly writes as if he does. One particular passage where the main character is beaten and abused by a group of teenage girls is particularly powerful.

It all goes wrong though. He is a private detective whose investigation into a missing child leads him to an old peoples home where sinister goings on are afoot. Our hero investigates, falls in love (with another disabled person...hey, they are both disabled so MUST fall for each other obviously) and gets involved in a conspiracy of massive proportions.

The ending is very poor featuring a lot of nonsense about a corrupt Doctor who is earning a fortune making Porn Movies with Disabled persons and genetic abnormalities.

One nice point and an unusual one for Herbert is the almost complete lack of graphic bedroom scenes. It's very refreshing, all though he does write graphic bedroom scenes very well (if that's the sort of thing you want to read?).

All in all its pretty average. Poor opening, excellent middle section, poor ending.

I won't be rushing out to buy his latest but might pick it up a few years from now if it's 10p in a Charity Shop.

Vote for Rachel

I must admit that I'm hooked on BBC's latest 'Search for a Star' show 'I'd do Anything'.

I'm enjoying it almost as much as the 'Maria's' from a few years back.

Whats really gratifying is that Northern Ireland had 2 girls in the last 5 which is an incredible achievement for a small country the size of mine.

It was very disappointing that Niamh was voted off last weekend. In fairness her performance was the worst, on the night, of the remaining contestants.

I've been settled on Rachel from the very beginning. Bias most definitely intended.She has an amazing voice, acts very well and is gorgeous. Perfect for the role.

My Sister-in-Law is an old friend of hers, although they have been out of touch with each other for a while now. I have never met her which is probably a good thing as i, no doubt, would have went all 'Ally McBeal' had i been introduced!

So on Saturday it will be another 25p and another 'Thank you for your call....you have voted for....Rachel' for me.

Fingers, toes and everything else crossed.

None of the contestants deserves to lose now, they are all equally good, but there will be tears at bedtime if it's another sing-off for Rach.

Go on girl...you can do it!!!

And so it ends.......(Part 1)

So there it is then. It's final. Kaput.

At the grand old age of 44 i am to be Medically retired from my employer on 29/06/08 after almost 24 years service.

I'm on the scrap heap, over the hill with one foot in the grave.

I've known for a few weeks that it was happening but I'm getting sadder and sadder as the reality begins to sink in.

A lot of us, myself included, complain about going to work. Just wait until you have no more work to go to. Then you'll know. Oh yes.

If truth be told I've been struggling with my illness for years now. Really struggling for about the last 18 months. I suppose this was inevitable. I just wish it had been a few more years down the line. Oh well.

I haven't, i suppose, achieved an awful lot in my 24 odd years. However, I'm proud of what little i did achieve. I hope i made a difference no matter how small. I'm also proud and absolutely genuine when i say that i always tried to do my best no matter where i was located. A lot may possible not agree? So, fuck them basically.

My last few months weren't all that great. Since my Dad died i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders and i suppose that was reflected in my output. My inability to sleep at night meant that my time keeping could have better? Those working flexi hours will, however, know that there does seem to be an unwritten rule that states it's OK to arrive early and leave early but not OK to do the opposite. Despite the fact that there is no difference and both are equally within the regulations. I was only ever actually 'late' about twice in all my years.

I'm not all that bitter. I could have done things a lot differently when i was younger. Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?

In later years i came to realise that it just wasn't worth the bother. You have to accept the things you cannot change and only fight battles that you have a chance of winning. Go to work, do your best, leave. It's a fine Philosophy.

So what now?

You'll have to wait for part 2 for that one.

Currently:-

Reading - Stephen King - Duma Key

Watching - Battlestar Gallactica (Season 4)

Playing - Pandemonium (PC)

Listening to - Client - City

Coming soon - Part 2 of this bollocks, including a lengthy rant on the utter, utter incompetence of the Social Security Agency.

My not so good experience with Online dating

and..heck...if i feel like it i might even have a Famiclone Update.

And so it begins........

It was only a matter of time. It's amazing that the USA are now talking about protecting Democracy. Hypocrisy beyond belief!

Famiclone Update # 3

So, when is a Famiclone not a Famiclone?

When it's this thing for a start. A rarity indeed this is the Jamiko PC Boy, a clone of the Japanese PC Engine. Originally made by NEC and given a US release as the Turbo-Grafx 16.

Not only is it a PC Engine clone but a clone of the PC Engine Shuttle which itself had a very limited lifespan in it's native Japan.

It's very well made with 1 controller and strangely a 10v power adaptor as opposed to the usual 9v. It is PAL though.

I presume it's plays Japanese PC Engine games (Hu Cards) but i haven't actually been able to test as i don't have any Japanese games. Tons for the TG16 but zilch for the Japanese version.

Nice box with some excellent Engrish e.g. 'Never before has a fantasy of one been so magic', 'An encore performance bring magic home'. WTF!

It's made in China and cost a very reasonable £19.99, considering that it's brand new, from a very unpleasant eBay seller.

Click on the picture for a closer look at this great machine.

Famiclone Update # 2

The latest in my never ending quest for bizarre Gaming Consoles is this one.

It's the TV Joystick 36 in 1.Made in China (surprise, surprise) by Timetop, the same company behind the Gameking series of handhelds. It's shaped like a XBOX controller.

I've discovered that these are being sold in the UK by Maplin at the princely sum of £4.95. This one cost me 99p from eBay.

It's housed in a sealed plastic container and comes with an Engrish manual and the usual TV connecting leads. Powered by 4 AA batteries.

As usual with this sort of thing it doesn't contain 36 games. There are a total of 12 games included.

Note to maker - different levels of the same game are NOT different games.

It also claims to be 16 bit, but graphics to me look to be on the 8 bit side. Around Master System standard.

On the whole the quality isn't all that bad.

The games are:-

First Blood - Vertical 3rd Person shooter.

Stoneage - 2D platform game with really bad collision detection.

Bombs Away - Bomberman clone.

Gun Force - Contra clone.

Yo Yo Rabbit - Very poor 2D Platform game.

Sharp Knight - Wonderboy clone.

Firebolt - A 194X clone that's is unplayable as it runs way to fast.

Risker - Yet another Poor 2d Platform game.

Army Strike - Looks like a light gun game which is difficult when you don't have a light gun connection.

Adventure - Poor Maze type game.

Ice & Fire Fighter - 2D Platform Game.

Frantic Raindrop - Super Putty clone.

There is no cart slot.

Overall it's fairly well made and sturdy. One nice point is the inclusion of X and Y buttons which serve no purpose in any of the games.

Another slight irritant is the lack of a Menu screen, which is probably deliberate to make you think that there are 36 games included. The actual Menu is a very blurry screen shot of each game level.

Words speak larger than words?

There was a great letter a few nights ago in the Belfast Telegraph. So good, in fact, that i'm going to spend the next 10 minutes typing it out verbatum. It was signed P Mann, Co Antrim and goes something like this :-

'An American friend of mine was recently in Northern Ireland and requested that i take him to Parliament Buildings.
While gazing at the building's splendor, the conversation turned to conflict transformation and how former terrorists have integrated into a post-conflict society. I pointed at Stormont and said 'there are a few in there you could ask'. Puzzled, he nervously laughed and asked that i explained my blaze remark.
I informed him that our Deputy First Minister was a former IRA commander, one of the Junior Ministers was a convicted IRA bomber and prison escapee, two female MLA's were convicted bombers, and a further MLA was an IRA hunger striker.
He laughed again telling me in his unique Texan accent: 'Many people laugh at us Yanks, but thats like us voting for Al Qaeda after 9-11'. He is right.
In an interesting twist my friend then tripped on a loose paving stone. Embarrassingly, i told him that the Minister responsible for roads was imprisoned for IRA membership and posssession of explosives'

Excellent. I couldn't have put it better myself.

S.O.S.

Today the world should hang it's collective heads in shame. The Serbian province of Kosovo has illegally declared it's independence with support from the USA and most of Europe.

There's nothing more to be said really. A state founded on terrorism, administered by terrorists and supported by those who have the audacity to claim that they are fighting a 'global war on terror'.

The decision now gives license to all other 'tin pot' regions the authority and blessing to violently rebel against the legal representatives of the state.

Terrorism works. This is the reward.

Kosovo IS Serbia.

Journeyman....no more.

It was with more than a tinge of sadness that i tuned in to Sky One last night for the last ever episode of Journeyman. Like a lot of things worth watching it has been cancelled after just 13 episodes.

What a fickle lot the American public are.

It is a good, intelligent show and if you haven't caught it yet i suggest you do. It's like a cross between 'The Butterfly Effect' and the better episodes of 'Quantum Leap'.

Another one consigned to the dustbin as we hear that a new series of Ugly Betty is in production (God help us all).

Gone but not forgotten.

Famiclone Update # 1

Apart from watching Crusaders and listening to too much Carter USM, another sad thing in my life is my ever growing Famiclone collection.

For those not in the know, the Famiclone is a generic term which is used by collectors to refer to 'clones' of Video games Consoles which have been made, usually illegally, using another companies hardware.

The term originates from the original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), or Famicom as it was called in it's native Japan. Hence 'Famiclone'. Nowadays it used to mean 'any' clone as opposed to one which just uses Nintendo's property.

At lot are made in the Far East, South America or Russia. There are literally thousands of different variations. Some are cheap rubbish, others are superb 'oddities' and a collectors dream.

Currently i have about 40 different consoles and i intend at some point to catalogue them all.

My latest addition is this one.

Cunningly called 'Game Challenger IV'. I shudder to think what parts 1-3 looked like.

As you can see, it is in fact a Popstation. This is basicaly one of those appaling block LCD games (with about 60 variations of Tetris included) based in a shell that is designed to look like a PSP.

It's made of cheap fragile plastic. Surprisingly, this one also has a back light.

Popstations are really common and can be picked up easily for 99p on eBay.

This one is a little bit different.

It's housed in a quite attractive lined box which also includes a set of headphones, a watch, a wrist strap and a fake leather key fob/wallet. I haven't tried the watch, but it's also cheap looking.

It's marked as A B & Co. According to the internet the only A B & Co i can find is a company which makes and repairs boiler equipment.

I can only assume that this one has been made as a promotional item for that company and distributed at a conference or convention.

I've never come across one before and it was an excellent buy at £1.24.

Short Book Review.

My latest finished tome is this one:-

Land of the Giants - The Trap by Murray Leinster

It's based on the pilot episode of Irwin Allen's TV show of the same name. I've been a big fan of 'Giants' since i was young and am a member of the Official fan club. Picked this one up a while ago in a local Charity shop.

It's shit.

It really is.

It's clear that the writer was either given a very early script of the pilot episode or that he has never watched an episode of the series, ever. The plot is nothing like the aired episode and the characters bear little resemblance to the ones i came to know and love from the series.

It's also a very boring book. The writer uses page after page of irrelevant technobabble which has no bearing on the plot whatsoever.

Not recommended at all.

Home is where the heart is.

This is my home. My Country. My nation.

It's called Northern Ireland. I'm proud of it.

I am sick, sore and tired of it being referred to as the North of Ireland, the Six Counties, the Occupied Six Counties or any of the other names some presume to call it.

It's NORTHERN IRELAND. No ifs, no buts or anything else. End of!

What's another year?

It's approaching 2008 now and as yet another year goes by without a snog; i thought i'd celebrate the Hogmany with some inspiring words from the lyrical genius that is James Robert Morrison:-

'Suicide isn't painless

it hurts like hell.

It's set aside for the famous

a little suicide sells.

Nothing lasts forever

but nothing ever did.

It's big but it's not clever

and it's really not that big.

So no more tears

you're a big boy now.

We'll have a few more beers

and sort it out somehow'.

Thanks Jim (and enjoy the tea).

Merry Fuckingchristmas!

Couldn't let the season of Goodwill to All Men go by without a brief comment here from Junkmale world. It's a quote from the excellent Weddings Parties Anything album 'They Were Better Live'.

'Just about sick of this Christmas Farce,
happiest time of the year, My Arse'

Sums it all up perfectly, i think.

Change the Record.

I watched one of those reality Police shows on the telly last night. Can't remember what it was called but part of the show followed some London traffic Police who were using newish technology to catch people who were driving without insurance. The device scanned the vehicles number plate and was able to tell almost instantly whether or not the car was properly insured. Driving this way is not as 'trivial' as most would imagine. Just wait until you have a No Fault accident with an uninsured driver!

Anyway, one particular upstart of a woman was stopped without the appropriate insurance. The poor Police Constable that had to deal with this woman had to suffer a torrent of verbal abuse. The woman's excuse was.....'You only stopped me because i am black'.

Good God but it pissed me off. I am so fed up with that attitude.

Others include 'Its because I'm white, a woman/man, Roman Catholic/Protestant, Gay/Straight, Tall/Small, Fat/Thin, Disabled etc etc. The list is almost endless.

How i wish these sort of people who use irrational excuses would, for once, take the chips of their collective shoulders. Or 'wake up and smell the coffee' as our American cousins might say.

The woman in question had no insurance? The colour of her skin was as irrelevant just as much to the Police as it is to you and me.

In other news, I'm saddened to see that ex Northern Ireland manager Lawrie Sanchez (see picture) has been sacked as manager of Fulham. I don't follow the English game much but it seems a harsh decision. OK, results were not good but they could at least have given the man until the new year to try and improve. One or two wins over the busy Christmas and New Year period would have changed everything. It's a cutthroat world is football management. I would have loved to see Sanchez succeed. He will always be a legend in Northern Ireland for what he achieved here.

I bet Nigel Worthington wishes he had signed the contract now?

You, me and the BNP.

Numerous times in the past I've been asked if i support the BNP.
No i don't. Or the really honest answer is No I can't? To date the BNP have never (as far as i am aware) fielded a candidate in Northern Ireland. Therefore, even if i wanted to support them i couldn't physically do so.
Would i vote for them if they did (as they often promise) field some candidates? I'd certainly think about it. I will 'cross that bridge' as the old saying goes.
Sometimes though i have a quick look at the BNP website. Sometimes it's bollocks sometimes it's spot on.

http://www.bnp.org.uk/?p=69

I was going to post a comment on what's happening in Serbia but the writer here says it all really.
It's a disgraceful situation where yet again terrorism seems to have won.
Serbia is a beautiful country with a proud and distinct history. It MUST have our support now in it's time of need.
Kosovo IS Serbia.
The US backed UN must withdraw now and leave this internal dispute in the lawful hands of the Serbian Authorities.

A quick example of whats really going on in the Kosovan region.

http://www.srbija.sr.gov.yu/vesti/vest.php?id=41620

In the News Today.

Two news items had me foaming at the mouth today.

Firstly this one:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7133858.stm

It appears that the chuckle brothers are having a jolly good time in the 'home of Democracy and freedom' this week. Doesn't it just make your heart burst with pride.
It really is beyond contempt what Paisley has done.
Surprised though that Hilary Clinton has stated that there is now an 'open door' at the Whitehouse for these 2 pathetic excuses for men.
Strange, Hilary but i thought there was already an 'open door' in the Whitehouse for the IRA?
When was St.Patricks Day again?
Dontcha just love the Global War on Terror.

Secondly was this one:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/boxing/7133862.stm

Seems that Racism is rife in the world of Boxing?
Bernard Hopkins has 'taunted' our own (or Italy's) Joe Calzaghe, calling him 'white boy' and boasting that he will never be beaten by a white man.
Now just picture for a second the world's reaction had Joe called Hopkins 'black boy' or in fact made any mention of his skin colour at all.
Good God, WW3 would have been declared, Joe would, naturally, have been branded a BNP thug and Gordon Brown would have straight onto Bush with an apology.
It's the other way around though and the worlds reaction....silence.
Bernard Hopkins is racist scum and i hope I'm not the last to say it.

Batman in the Launderette?

I remember a great song by a band called The Shapes called, strangely enough, Batman in the Launderette.

They were a sort of late 70's comedy Punk band. It was great.

I didn't meet Batman today but i did have a very pleasant chat with local Alliance Party MLA, David Ford in the butchers shop.

Good God the man can talk. All i did was say 'Hello David'. Had me there for about 20 minutes.

I did however get the chance to ask him about fellow assembly member and convicted terrorist Catriona Ruane and her announcement today to scrap the 11+ selection examination for 11 year olds in Northern Ireland.

He was none to impressed. He did say that whilst he agreed in principal with her proposals that he had asked her a question 3 times and that she had refused to give a straight answer? Not like a politician then? And Ms Ruane can't be described as a politician at the best of times.

The rest of the conversation was only about the weather and stuff.

I don't vote Alliance. As an Anti-Agreement Unionist i don't actually vote at all anymore simply because I've got no one to vote for?

I do respect, however what the Alliance Party have tried to achieve throughout the years.

Unfortunately for them, sitting on the fence doesn't pull much weight in Northern Ireland.

IRA supporters will vote for the IRA. Unionists will vote for one of the Unionist Parties simply to try and keep the 'other' side out.

The more things change the more things stay the same.

Sticks and Stones....?

Here in Northern Ireland we have a particular strong vocabulary for using derogatory terms to describe the 'other' religion.
You have the usual Fenian, Taig, Orange Bastard etc. All equally repulsive and most factually untrue. e.g. The Fenian movement disbanded many years ago, i believe and contrary to popular belief a good percentage of Protestants are not members of the Orange Institution. Most probably know their fathers as well i would presume?
I live in a very sectarian corner of this green and unpleasant land and lately I've been puzzled by some of the graffiti which appears on a regular basis on my gable wall.
Firstly there was A.H.A.T. It didn't offend me because i didn't have a clue what it meant.
A friend of mine has since informed that it means 'All Huns Are Targets'?
Apparently Hun is now a derogatory term used to mean Protestants? Yes, I'm confused too.
Back in the day, when i were a lad, Hun was a term used in comics and films starring Clark Gable, to means Germans during the 2ND World War? What connection this has to Protestants remains unknown.
Another even more confusing one was 'Black Bastards'. This, i again wrongly assumed was some sort of racial remark against our coloured cousins? Apparently not. I'm reliably informed that 'Black' is another term meaning Protestant?
I'm really confused now.
I've no objection to be verbally abused (well i have but you know what i mean), but can it be considered offensive when the recipient doesn't understand it?
As usual, answers on a postcard...

My latest passion.

This is Kelly Clarkson.

She is a babe. And she Rocks.

A perfect combination.

Hallowfuckingween

It's Halloween...in case you haven't noticed.
Two things spring to mind.
Firstly, i just watched one of the worst films I've ever seen. Not up there with the likes of Q, the Winged Serpent in the truly appalling stage but pretty bad nonetheless.
Halloween:Resurrection. The 7Th or 8Th i think in the once quite good series. It really was awful. And worse than that Katee Sackoff from The New Battlestar Galactica was in it. I'm sure she doesn't include that one in her resume.

Secondly, fireworks. Fireworks (apart from the indoor variety) are banned and illegal in Northern Ireland. Why then is it that from about the end of August all you can hear are dozens of the bloody things going off? Drives my dog insane (and the less said about the Hamsters the better).
Tonight it's worse than ever. Now don't get me wrong, if people wish to let off fireworks that is up to them. It's just that why...oh why....do they have to do so at 4am in the morning!
Surely, there's a time and a place.

Bad DUP/Good DUP?

On an exciting day for local politics it's hat's off to Margaret Ritchie. As the Minister responsible she has lived up to her promise and withdrawn funding from a project that is 'linked' to the UDA.
Couldn't agree more. The UDA have made no effort whatsoever to distance themselves from terrorism or crimininality. They deserve exactly what they got...nothing. Keep up the good work Margaret....and i never thought i'd ever be saying that about a SDLP Minister.

On a similar note it's shame on the DUP Deputy Leader Peter Robinson to objecting. He did manage to quote some legal techobabble but as the old saying goes ' a blind man could see through him'. It was pathetic and embarrasing Peter. Unionism has to fully distance themselves from any kind of so called Loyalist Paramilitaries. Today, Peter, you played right into the hands of your enemies.

More hat's off, however, to another DUP Minister Edwin Poots for scrapping the nonsense that was the Irish Language Act. I didn't for a minute think that he would have the courage to do it, but he did. This act is laughable. English is the first language of Northern Ireland. If individuals wish to learn or speak Irish that is entirely up to them. Just like French, Spanish, Hungarian or any other foreign language. Funds that could (and now will be) used elsewhere are far more important than this nonsense.

So it's 5 points for Margaret and Edwin and a big fat 0 for Peter.
Could it all be falling apart at the seams? Watch this space.

The God like genius that is David Rainey!

Cometh the hour, Cometh the man!

Discrimination gets me down!

Nice to see that the lovely COE Alistair Darling has upped the threshold for Inheritance Tax.
With property prices rising beyond all expectations its only right that this unfair tax should be raised as a consequence.
As ever, there are conditions.
The threshold has only be raised for couples.
As ever, single people (who live alone) miss out yet again.
The tax system already discriminates against single people and this only increases the burden.
Council Tax for example is based on the value of the property and not on how many people actually live in the property. Thus, a single person pays the same amount as a household with 4 or 5 persons (of which 2 or more could in theory be in full time employment).
The proposed water tax is going to be exactly the same.
It really is about time some political party highlighted this issue, or am i the only one who feels cheated in this way?

Classic lyrics of our time part 1046!

'I am human and i need to be loved, just like everybody else does'

SPM

Big Issue....anyone?

Bought the Big Issue today.
I usually buy it on a fairly irregular basis. Not as some charity thing for Romania's homeless but mainly because its a fairly decent read. Passes the time on the way home bus.
However (isn't there always a however), it now seems that Belfast's streets no longer have the proper magazine but instead have 'Ireland's' Big Issue? Lots of not interesting articles about Cork and Wexford though.
It's yet another sign of the ongoing Paddyfication of Northern Ireland and Belfast in particular.
I would like to find out what the marketing genius behind selling a foreign magazine in this part of the United Kingdom was thinking when he made this decision.

Classic quotes of our time part 94.

'Life sucks and then you die and then it sucks some more'

Georgia Lass
Dead Like Me

Enlightened Iran

Poor old Iran has been getting a lot of bad press recently.
What with the alleged Nuclear arsenal they have and their lunatic leader saying some very dangerous things about Israel and what not.
However, i was just reading in one of the 'quality' papers that Mobile Phones are banned in Iran. Use in public is a flogging offence.
What absolute joy!
Its almost as good a law as Oliver Cromwell banning dancing.
Now i could write a book about the things that piss me off about Mobiles, but, i swear if i hear 'hello...hello....i'm on the bus' one more time I'm going to go insane.
The Mobile is without doubt the biggest blights in any modern society. Great for what its designed for i.e. in an emergency, but God help us all, people just can't take their eyes off the f**king things for more than 5 milliseconds!
Viva Iran!

Classic Lyrics of our Time (Part 93)

'The shit we talk at disco's, the world over sounds the same'

Mick Thomas
Weddings Parties Anything
1993

The Kindness of Strangers

My Dad died.
It's a strange feeling. The last few weeks have been a bit of a haze. Like a bad dream where you think you'll wake up and everything will be OK?
Only it isn't. It's real.
It's like it's happening to somebody else and you're just looking on?
It's where i go from here that's the problem.
It's incredible how much you take for granted until it's gone.
I suppose at the end of the day the old duffer was 78 but God, i wish he'd gotten to 79. Or 89.
One good thing, if you can call it a good thing, is the kindness of strangers. Work colleagues, friends have all been great. Couldn't have asked for more.
Now it's just me and my Mum. Who's not good. No, not good at all.
As Jim-Bob once said, and my Dad liked a bit of Jim-Bob (believe it or not).

Don't get Sick
Don't get Old
Don't be poor
Do what you're told.

Its a fine philosophy.

In the end there can be only one.

As i slowly recover from my Ganglion removal surgery some bad news has blighted the usual uneventful life of Junkmale.
Bill Panzer has died after a short illness.
For those not in the know Bill Panzer was the co-creator of the Highlander series of Movies and TV spin offs.
Highlander: The Series remains one of my favourite TV shows. Its always been puzzling to me why it never had a higher profile or the success that it deserved. Except in France where they love it apparently? Anyone who has yet to discover it; the DVD box sets are always reasonable on eBay. With the 5th movie heading to cinemas later this year and Peter Wingfield now 'starring' in Holby City, hopefully now the franchise will be renewed and continue without its guiding light.

Rest in Peace Bill.

Yours Truly, Angry Mob

Been a very unusual week here in Junkmale land.

Firstly there was the small matter of Local Elections to a Devolved Government in Northern Ireland that i want no part of.
Off i went to vote anyway only to discover, much to my embarrassment that my Driving Licence had expired. Oops!
Now that i have IRA terrorist Mitchell McLaughlin as my MLA though, things can surely only get better.

Received, about 5th hand, some rather upsetting news about a friend of mine. Who then proceeded to verbally lambast me for having the audacity to be.......concerned? Cleared up later though after being informed that i am so desperate for a relationship that i will spend years cultivating a friendship on the remote possibility of having one! The words Don't and Flatter Yourself sprung to mind.

On the subject of verbal lambasment, my favourite blog http://www.everythingulster.com/ has been all cock-a-hoop this week. What with the Elections and what not.
Normally, Beano is pretty spot on with his news and views. This time however, i disagreed.
Debate is one thing, lowering oneself to personal abuse in order to win an argument is other.
Catch yourself on...indeed!

Stranglers drummer Jet Black is very ill with some sort of heart complaint.

Highlight of the week is the new album from Kaiser Chiefs..Yours Truly, Angry Mob. Its really rather good.

And then there is those generous Chaps at Sony. Not only will Europe have to pay a hugely inflated price for the PS3, but also, according to a 'reliable source' a good percentage of PS2 software will not work on PAL consoles. Thanks guys.

Last, but by no means, least - Loughgall 0 Crusaders 5. Now theres something you don't see every day.

Once in a blue.....?

I'm considering some cosmetic surgery this weekend.
The letters M-U-G tattooed across my forehead and a doormat attached to my back will do for a start.

Played by men with odd shaped balls?

Its nice to see that the annual farce of the Six Nations Rugby has begun again.

Firstly, i hate Rugby with a passion. Being a Grammar school boy i was forced to play this appalling excuse for a sport during my formative years. An experience i will never ever forget.

But, down to this particular competition.

'Ireland' is not an nation. It is an Island that houses 2 separate nations i.e. Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. For Rugby, for whatever reason, the countries are combined.

I 100% object to this and fail to understand how the sports governing authorities allow players from 2 different foreign countries to get away with it.

Can you imagine Scotland selecting Wayne Rooney for the next football World Cup qualifier simply because they live on the same Island?

If respect was shown to the Northern Irish players it might be different. All games are played in Dublin, the Republic of Ireland's flag is raised and the National Anthem of Northern Ireland is never played.

Parity of esteem it's not.

If they want to introduce a 7 nations championship i am all for it. To include England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, France and Italy.

At least that way it would be Geographically and Historically correct.

Pictured are some 'Ireland' fans celebrating the inclusion of the Ulstermen on the team.

With friends like these......

Read a very interesting news article the other day.
Apparently, jails here in the UK are in such a state of overcrowding that the Government has decided to begin a process of ' repatriating' foreign criminals to their own countries.
Couldn't agree more. Don't like the idea of having to pay tax to accommodate foreigners. However, there is a major fly in the soup. Criminals from the Republic of Ireland don't count because of 'the unique and special friendship that exists between the UK and ROI'.
Is this the same unique and special friendship that remained neutral during 2 world wars, refueled German submarines, harbored IRA terrorists, never once extradited even one back to the UK and whose constitution contains an illegal claim to authority over a part of the UK?
Oh yes, it's unique all right.

A little ditty for Valentines Day

'When the postman don't come on Valentines Day
When Santa don't come on Christmas Day
When your umberella won't open on a rainy day
Don't ask me , i already know'

Martin Fry
Somewhere in Gold Lame land

Short quote that i really liked.

'Life is a solitary affair and happiness a transitory blip between sorrow and death'

Sylvie Simmons
MOJO Magazine Staff Writer

All is quiet...

According to my Sarah Michelle Gellar 2006 callender, tonight is New Years Eve.
Should have known really, judging by the ammount of well wishers and party invites i've been flooded with. Honestly, its just so difficult wondering who to disapoint.
I'll be making 2 Resolutions.

1. To stop being sarcastic.
2. To not be here next New Years Eve.

All will surely be quiet this New Years Day.

New Labour...the party of the people!

Seems poor old Tony Blair's New Year holiday in his luxury mansion in Miami was delayed due to some problem with the areoplane missing the runway. Seemingly none of the other passengers knew he was onboard as he was in Business class!
Ah...the traditional values of the Labour party just fill me with warmth and happiness. It's nice to know that all the turn of the (previous) centuries campaigning by the under privilidged working class was not in vain.
At last they have a party that understands completly the needs and values of the common man.
Isn't it great that we no longer have to suffer the slease and mis-management of the Tories.

Celebrity Geography lesson No 2.

Slowly recovering from my usual Christmas heavy cold (with Flu symptoms) i put on the telly for Celebrity Matermind tonight. I was familiar with one of the 'celebrities' which makes a pleasant change.
One of the contestants, a female singer apparantly, had the Specialist subject of ' British Pop Music 2000 - 2006'. If its anything after about 1979 the chances of me knowing any answers would be fairly slim.
Bit confusing though that considering the subject just some of the questions/answers were Westlife, U2 and Britney Spears?
British Pop Music?
I know that multi millionaire Bono (that well known humanitarian) was given an Honorary knighthood recently but i don't think he's changed his nationality just yet?

Christmas shoppers paradise.

With the Yultide season approaching and as another year goes by without a snog, i thought some quotes would be appropriate.

'But instead it just kept on raining'

'Just had enough of this Christmas farce, happiest time of the year...my arse'

'Have yourself a merry, merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who have nothing
When you're drinkin down your wine'

'The older i get, the deeper in debt
Dusk gets nearer than dawn'

'Is this as good as it f**king gets'

The Northern Ireland 'Peace' Process

Just two things Mr Paisley if you are sitting comfortably..

1. You will NEVER be in Government with terrorists.
2. You will NEVER allow a foreign Government to have a say in the running of Northern Ireland.

Just in case you had forgotten....its why we voted for you.

Yet another pointless list??

I had to have a Barium Enema this week. Possibly the most humiliating and painful medical procedure known to man. Apart from the Colonoscopy and the Prostrate gland examination obviously. I suspect that giving birth isn't too pleasant either...but being of the male persausion i suppose i'll never find out.
Anyway, as i had my 21st bout of Picolax induced diorreah(sic) i got to thinking. I made a list of the top 5 people i'll like to see endure the dubious pleaseure of the Barium Enema. Not physically see but you get my drift.

1. Robbie Williams - he's a twat..you know he is.
2. Martin Maguiness - former Minister for education and self confessed IRA murderer.
3. Martin Lawrence - possibly the unfunniest person ever. With the possible exception of Josef Stalin or my ex boss David Brooks who had no sense of humour whatsoever.
4. Maragret Beckett - the world's ugliest politician.
5. Belladonna - my favourite porn star. Only because it would probably be a relief to her to have such a small tube pushed up her backside. As opposed to her usual assortment of items i.e. baseball bats etc. The woman has no shame.

More will come to mind i'm sure...watch this space.

For Erin...

The easy silence that you make for me
Its ok when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet that you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me...

Ta.

This is the last voice you'll ever hear.

So North Korea are to test a nuclear device...um.
In two minds about this one.
Firstly, as an Independent Sovereign nation North Korea are quite entitled to do whatever they like. Unless they clearly threaten another nation noboby has any right to interfere with thier internal politics.
On the other hand, it is quite alarming. The threat of a nuclear war is a world problem. One that could engulf the entire planet and in the end destroy us all.
So what to do? No doubt the US are preparing already and the entire Arab world are finding some way to blame Israel.
Me...i'm off to watch Threads.

Stranglers in good album...horror....shock!

I was but a mere slip of a lad when i first heard Go Buddy Go on the radio. If my memory serves me correctly i was about 13. It changed my life...no really.
The Stranglers have been a huge part of my life ever since. I've spent the best part of 30 years now collecting anything and everything that bears the name. For a long time i even wore nothing but black (still do now and again). Lots of Stranglers fans are obsessive, its a thing we have in common. Just the sound of JJ's bass or a Dave Greenfield synth run is enough to keep us going when things get rough.
Hasn't all been smooth though. When Hugh Cornwell left in 1990 it was the end of an era. The last Hugh album '10' was as good as anything they had ever done. The hits were still happening and it was a big big shock.
Stranglers mark 2 arrived. Lets call them the wilderness years, or the karaoke Stranglers years.
Roberts and Ellis just didn't fit in. John Ellis's insistence on fitting in a tinny guitar solo to every track was awful. Paul Roberts worked very hard but i didn't like the way he sang. I tried but it just didn't happen. The band i had grown up with had gone. Hughs solo albums were even worse.
There were a few gems hidden away, In Heaven She Walks was a great single that nobody bought.
Step forward Stranglers Mark 3. Ellis was gone (thankfully) by 2000, Roberts followed in 2006. Good bye and good luck. Stranglers fans worldwide rejoiced.
Suite XV1 the new album, the 2nd with Baz Warne has just been released. By God, its good.
It sounds like the Stranglers, it IS the Stranglers...like they'd never been away.
I'm so happy i could cry...no really.

Bitter and Twisted.....me??

The funeral of Shirley Finlay took place last week.
This poor unfortunate young lady was brutally murdered and her body dumped in Ballymena. It appears that she was (amongst other things) strangled. Police also strongly suspect that she was sexually assaulted.
Apparantly she lived alone and had some fairly significant psychological problems. She also appears to have drunk a lot and had lived in several foster homes.
Neighbours were quick to gather around and the usual platitudes were dished out .i.e. 'she was a quiet girl who kept herself to herself'. In other words nobody knew anything whatsoever about her. She was, no doubt, 'that wierdo who lives down the street'.
The funeral was attended by several hundred 'mourners'.
I wonder how many of them had even given her the time of day during her short and tragic life.
How many even knew her name before they read it in the newspapers.
Did they ever buy her a bunch of flowers when she was alive? I very much doubt it!
This brings me to the point of this rant.
I refer to my previous 'Sick of being sick' posting.
I have a very small circle of friends ( and i use that expression is the loosest possible way).
ALL of them without exception now know that i was in hospital recently.
Not a phone call, email, fax, text or anything else has been forthcoming from any of them. I could still be in Hospital for all they know? God God i could be dead for all the difference it would make. Not one has even bothered to try and find out. Whilst i admit i'm sick on a fairly regular basis its not too much to ask that someone calls to find out?

I'm sure that if Shirley could see what had happened after her death she would be wondering what its all about.
The point is that the dead can take care of themselves, the living need the support!

Fucking golfing umberellas!
You know those humongus things with a 6 foot wing span and the nasty 4 inch spike at every hinge.
Probably really useful on the golf course but not for walking along Belfast's busiest street at 2 in the afternoon when its not even fucking raining!!
Here endeth the lesson.....

Sick of being sick.

Ended up in hospital again this week.
It was only an overnight stay but was as unwelcome as ever.
I have Crohns Disease. If you have never heard of it, its a fairly unpleasant bowel disorder which i've had for about the last 20 years. NOT to be confused at all with Irritable Bowel Syndrome which is a walk in the park compared to CD. They are often confused which is pretty annoying.
Anyway, there i was on Thursday having a resonably good day. Made the mistake of eating (as you do), and ended up in Hospital. Lots of vomiting and bowel spasms later.
Don't think i'll eat Tescos chicken soup again...ever!
Its getting a bit worrying though lately. This is the 3rd semi serious attack i've had in as many weeks.
Living alone and being sick is not recommended. There is nothing more depressing than puking into a basin at 4 in the morning and having no one about to help.
The worst is that i suppose i'll have to go back to work on Monday.
What joy!!!

Double standards anyone??

I must confess i find the whole idea of the MOBO awards quite distasteful. That's Music of Black Origin for those not in the know.
An awards ceremony not based on talent, on sales or anything else. The only qualifying essential is the colour of your skin.
In 2006 such blatant racism should surely not be tolerated let alone shown on national TV.
I thought we were trying to move away from all that?
I wonder what the outcry would be if a MOWO award was started?

Got a strange letter through the post the other day.
In amongst all those plastic charity bags and letters telling me that i had just won £100,000 (all i have to to is phone a number at £6 a minute to claim!) was a pink envelope declaring 'Its a girl thing'.
There are no girls in my house but i opened it anyway.
Inside was a nice pen, a pink ribbon and a letter from Cancer Research asking me to donate to breast Cancer research.
A very worthwhile charity i'm sure you would agree.
However, 2 pages later i was most concerned to find no mention of the male sex at all?
Some googling later i discovered that last year in the UK approx 300 men died from breast cancer. Its most prevalent in the overweight apparantly.
Obviously the percentage amongst females is much much higher. That, however, is not the point.
For an official charity not even to mention the fact that breast cancer is not in fact 'a girl thing' is an absolute disgrace. Unlike for example Testicluar Cancer whilst is most definetly 'a boy thing'.
The public needs educated. Charities should be doing this instead of sending deliberatly false and misleading information in the post.
I feel a cheeky letter coming on.

That 'How do you solve a problem like Maria' is compelling stuff, i'm very embarrased to admit.
I normally hate that whole reality TV stuff. The moron who won this years Big Brother is a testament as to how low TV producers will go in the name of 'entertainment'.
Siobhan (the peoples champ) scrapped though to the final by the skin of her perfect straight white teeth. I've thought she was really good right from the start. Tonight though Aoife was better. Its a shame.

Double standards anyone??

It seems that that nice Mr. Adams is on his his way to Israel to help the middle east in thier quest for peace. He is, seemingly, a bit of an expert on the subject?
He will not be meeting any of the Israeli parliament as they have rather sensibly told him were to go. Instead he will be meeting with his fellow 'freedom fighters' Hamas.
According to one news source Adams will be discussing, amongst other things, the subject of human rights. He has a deep conviction on this subject.
The hypocricy of this man beggars belief.
As the leader of the IRA he is indirectly responsible for over 2000 deaths here in Northern Ireland and on the British mainland.
I wonder how he feels about the human rights of his organisations victims? Or thier families? Or the thousands maimed and wounded by his 'army'.
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

ITN News?

So the European football qualifiers have started. The less said about that mighty footballing nation Iceland the better. Good God it gets more humiliating by the second.
As a sort of 'aside' to my last post, it was very interesting listening to the ITN news bulletin.
According to them 'The Republic of Ireland have the most difficult task of all the home countries'.
Perhaps i've missed something but since when have they been a Home Country?
Perhaps the ITN recruiters should include O level Geography as an essential qualification for candidates who wish to become newsreaders.

2 for 1?

Read a very interesting article in a recent edition of BBC History magazine.
Apparantly, technically speaking, the Republic of Ireland has never left the British Commonwealth and still holds the same status as e.g. Australia or Canada.
Here in Northern Ireland Protestant schools don't generally study Irish history so its not something i know an awful lot about. Think i'll have to look into this one a bit more?
Strange that you never hear that nice Mr Adams mention it?

The appaling news of further terrorist bombings in Turkey has got me thinking.
Early reports suggest that the attacks were carried out by Kurdish sepratists. Are these the same poor, downtrodan people that the good old US invaded Iraq to protect? Maybe they are related to those other bunch of 'nice terrorists' in the KLA that the US bombed Serbia to protect?

Just checking the recent FIFA world cup rankings and noticed one or two very strange annomalies.
Looks like Palestine and Kosovo have a little way to go to reach the top 100. Strange but i always thought they were Israel and Serbia? How can FIFA in all there wisdom offically recognise two countries who don't exist?
The mind boggles!!!

The Royal Mail

I read somewhere recently that the Royal Mail estimate that last year (2005) they made profits of approx £500 million on parcels sent for transactions from eBay.
So how then have Royal Mail rewarded those 10s of thousands of punters who trudge to thier local post office through wind, snow and rain with thier 99p eBay sales tucked neatly into thier Tescos bag for lifes?
By increasing thier prices.
Now a parcel is priced not only by weight but also by size and shape, resulting in a fairly large price rise all round.
Lovely......

Shine on you crazy diamond!

So Syd Barratt has died....
That old chestnut of 'Everyone loves you when you're dead' has never ever been so true. Everyone from Elton John to Captain Sensible has been droning on and on about the true genius of this man who was (incase you don't know) one of the founding members of Pink Floyd.
Please.................
Anyone who is in any doubt, i beg you, have a listen to any of his solo albums. I have never in my entire life heard such utter utter bollocks. I get down on my knees every day and thank the good Lord that this pathetic excuse for a songwriter hid himself away from the rest of humanity for the last 30 years.
OK so Arnold Layne and See Emily Play were fairly good Pop singles but one listen to Bike or that one about the elephant sums up the wonderful (not) talent that he was. Roll on now the countless biographies and documentaries in celebration of his wonderful legacy.
There is a genius that was Pink Floyd. His name is Roger Waters.
Can you imagine Barratt writing The Wall? No neither can I!!

Roy Castle has risen from the grave!!

Had a 'hot' date last Saturday night...
I've created a new world record...
I have the worlds largest ammount of attractive girls who want to be my friend.
I'm better than this and deserve better...no more Mr Nice Guy.

Short Book Review

Reading is one of my big big hobbies. I love to read. Its mostly huge fantasy trilogies with names you can't pronounce that i like. And a map...its got to have a map and/or an index at the back.
I also like Charles Dickens and Stephen King.
This weeks finished book is 'Wicked Willow Omnibus' by Yvonne Navarro.
I was and am a big fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Throughout its 7 year run it was always pretty entertaining. I do hate the way book stores always have the Buffy novels in the childrens section ..... but that is a rant for another day.
This one is the omnibus edition of 3 books and runs to a fairly impressive 800 pages (or thereabouts). Its set around the time when Tara was killed and Willow went a wee bit funny. OK a big bit funny.
Like a lot of tie in novels its not very good. Its not awful...just not very good.
The writer has, in her defence, perfectly caught some the issues that made Buffy so good. The interplay between the characters is pretty much spot on. Some of the banter between Xander and Anya is as comical as it was on screen. She also knows her stuff and the continuity is also first rate with no huge mistakes that i can find.
Its just well, not very good.
The writer seems to find any excuse to show of her knowledge of the show by introducing characters who have no bearing on the plot whatsoever. e.g. Spike, Oz, Amy (the rat) and even Riley pop up and one point or another. Tara appears as a ghost for the length of the entire book!
The plot moves along nicely enough but just dosen't ring true for me. In a nutshell its all about Willows attempts to resurrect Tara.
Giles is paralised. Giles, Dawn and Zander are almost killed on one occassion. The Magic Box is reduced to rubble on at least 2 occasions. There are no consequences of this?
All in all its entertaining enough....but just nothing special.
I would give it 2 out of 5. If i were writing for one those over priced magazines. Which i not, obviously!

Short Woody Allen Rant

Ah Woody Allen. Remember him? Short bloke, glasses, used to be funny?
I heard a great quote from him the other day. It went something like this:-

'The last time i was inside a woman was on a day trip to the Statue of Liberty'

I've never been to the Statue of Liberty. I was in Seattle once but that is a tale for another day.
Back to Woody. I've recently become resigned to the fact that at the grand old age of 41 that i'm never going to have sex ever again. Sad but very true.

Never really had all that much before. Even in my prime. Its a great shame because the few partners i ever did have always said i was pretty good at it. Everyone has to be good at something don't they?

I just can't be bothered with all the crap that goes before the sexual act itself.

I've never seen a large breast, like in the flesh. My ex was a size 30AA. I have more chest myself than she had, God bless her.

I like sex, i like breasts. Man was seeded to this planet to reproduce themselves. Not much chance of that happening. Seems i have failed miserably to do even that.

I know what you are thinking. I could pay for it. True, but i don't know if i could with a total stranger. I've been tempted once or twice but never actually went through with it.

Myself and Winston (my constant companion these days) will just have to make do with Porn.

Hey its cheap, can be viewed in the relative comfort of your own home and sometimes, just sometimes i even imagine that Belladonna is looking straight at me!