SHORT BOOK REVIEW

THE QUEEN'S PROMISE

LYN ANDREWS

I must confess that this novel was purchased solely on it's subject matter.  I have never previously read anything by this author and am led to believe that this is her first in the Historical fiction genre.

Considering that it's a reasonable enough effort and an enjoyable read.

I would imagine that most admirers of the late British Queen will read almost anything with her name or image on it.  I am as guilty of that as anyone else  i'm not ashamed to admit.

The novels real focus is not, however, solely based upon Anne.  She is, obviously, a principal character but it's more on the life of Henry Percy and the author's fictional character Will Chatton who becomes the Earl's manservant and friend. 

The author's writing style has some irritating faults as does the novel in general - 

1.  She spends way to much time and appears to have an unhealthy obsession with what her characters are wearing.  It seems that every other page there is a lengthy and very dull full description of her characters outfits.

2.  I found Chattons meteoric rise from servant to a prosperous businessman somewhat hard to believe although i did generally like the character.

3.  Some of the language she uses is also a little difficult to comprehend.  Does the author really believe that two people, in the comfort of their own homes, had private conversations in such a formal manner?

4.  The ending is very, very rushed.  It almost seems as if Ms.Andrews simply got fed up and rushed off the last few chapters just to be finished with it.

It may seem that i'm being a little harsh which is not my intention.  I did enjoy it but it's nothing special.  I won't read it again and would find it difficult to fully recommend. 

It's stunningly average in every possible way.   

FAMICLONE UPDATE #11

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I KNOW MY RIGHTS...IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION!

TEXT TO FOLLOW.

ON ANNE BOLEYN

Those that know me will know that my lifelong obsession with Anne shows no sign of dimming even after all these years.
I never tire of reading her story time after time after time.  It's still as new to me now as it was about 40 years ago when i first heard it.
Nevertheless, i still do get irritated once and awhile when there is a new book or a documentary that gets it wrong.

Recently, a new book cover boasted of the story of the 'infamous' Queen of England.  Now, obviously,   the Queen of England thing is wrong but if i had a pound for how many times supposed 'Historians' got that one wrong i'd be a multi millionaire by now.  She was the Queen of England, Wales, The Island of Ireland, parts of Scotland, Parts of France etc etc which, if truth be told is a bit of a mouthful to say or write every time and many writers use England as a convenience. It's still wrong though.
I did email the author to ask her just how and in what way she considered Anne to be infamous but she declined to reply unfortunately.

I also disagree strongly that Anne was Mary Boleyn's younger sister.  The truth is that there is no solid evidence left now to prove or disprove it either way but for me what evidence there actually is points very strongly to the exact opposite.
We know very little of Mary Boleyn.  What we do know is that, in Tudor times, the first born was usually the only one in wealthy families that received a substantial education.  Therefore, it only makes sense that if Mary was the first born they it would have been she who received grooming and education.  We know that Mary didn't and the evidence shows that she was uneducated and a rather frivolous individual.  Anne was the daughter who was sent to France and Austria to receive a first class education. It only stands to common sense then that Anne was indeed the elder daughter.  We'll probably never know for 100% certainty that that was the case but you know it makes sense?

I'm also drawn back to a comment on an old school report of mine from when i was about 13.  I had a horrible History teacher who's name i've long forgotten.  On this report she wrote 'Kenneth is experiencing difficulty and clearly has no interest in this subject'.  If only she had taken the time, then, to realise that it was the only subject that i had any interest in.  An interest whose flame still burns brightly over 40 years later.

THAT OLE BLACK DOG AGAIN....

Sometimes he hides in the background only to rear his unwanted head just when you least expect him.
Most days he's there but some days he's more visible than others.
Today's been one of those days.  There he is front, left and centre.  Even a few episodes of The Waltons didn't help.
The loneliness is hard to get around.  On days like this when you don't see or speak to another member of the human race.  No enthusiasm even for EFUK and i always find some enthusiasm for that somewhere.
So what to do about it?  Not a lot unfortunately.
As a old shrink used to say 'Nobody can click there fingers and give you a life'.
How true is that.
I often wonder what i've actually done to deserve this?
Who knows?
Who cares?

WHEN GOOD NEWS IS BAD NEWS?

TEXT TO FOLLOW

ON FACEBOOK.....AND LAURA ROBSON.

I watch ladies tennis.  I like ladies tennis.
Not for the reason you might imagine that they are a lot of really hot ladies tennis players and they wear skimpy outfits.  That helps but it's not that difficult to find footage of hot ladies wearing skimpy outfits if that's the sort of the thing you are interested in?

The men's game leaves me cold.  It's all about power.  The harder the serve the shorter the game.  It's different for the ladies.

My favourite is our own Laura Robson.  She's done very well over the last few years and it's been great to watch her progression.  On and off the court she behaves impeccably, never does anything even remotely controversial and appears to be a sports star that can be looked up to as an example.

I follow Laura on Facebook.  It's a depressing experience.
She frequently gives us, her fans, a brief glimpse into her private life.  Show's us how her training is going and does her best to provide a little bit of news and commentary on things she is interested in and passionate about.

Laura's page shows some of the true negative side of Facebook and the whole social media thing in general.
Yes, she's an attractive girl but every single time she posts something there is a deluge of crude, sexual comments posted by many who seemingly get some sort of a thrill out of that sort of thing.
You can probably imagine the sort of thing i mean without having to repeat any of it.

It's sad that some people live such pathetic lives that they would do such a thing.
It's not big and it's not clever.
Not by a very long way.

L.O.L.I.T.A.

They say there is no fool like a old fool (whoever 'they' are).
They are right.
It's Christmas Day apparently.  In Junkmale world it's Wednesday.  Much the same as any other Wednesday only more shit.
Last year i spent most of the day waiting for a message from the only person i actually really wanted to get a message from.  It didn't arrive.
This year i did exactly the same thing with the same negative result.
How sad am i?
The only thing i know for sure is that i won't be doing the same next year if I'm unfortunate enough to still be here.

YESTERDAY. TODAY. TOMORROW. FOREVER.

One of the things i find missing from Medical Science is the actual physical pain from both grief and a broken heart.  Both lessen a little over time but never leave and can jump up and bite you at the most inappropriate times.

Back when i had a life, many years ago, i had the usual 'boy meets girl' moment.  Swiss Chalet in Glengormley at the late, much missed, Friday night disco.  I was 20.  Usual thing in those days.  Guys waited patiently for the slow ones to arrive and then made every effort they could for a dance and maybe a quick snog from some unsuspecting girl.

Anyway one Friday night, really late on it worked.  And very nice she was too.  Telephone number on the back of my hand for later.  I didn't call her the next week as i'd forgotten her name (in those days my bowels were still healthy and i could have some alcohol).  As well as that i wasn't working, couldn't drive and hadn't really much to offer.

She wasn't there the next week but one of her friends was and i got a big telling off for not calling her. Apparently she'd been waiting all week for me to do so.

So i did.  And eight years later it all came crashing down around me.  They were 8 good years.  Ok the last few weeks of them was pretty unpleasant but hey...it can't all be roses.  I had known from the first few weeks that this was the girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and for a very long time it seemed that that was the way it was going to end.  The split wasn't my fault but if i had the chance to do it again i'd do things a lot differently.  With age comes wisdom (or so i'm told).

Problem was i was now 28.  All 'our' friends suddenly became 'her' friends and i didn't really want anyone else. Stupidly believing that it would all be all right in a week or two.  It wasn't.  It felt like i'd lost my right arm. My lover, best friend and everything else just gone in an instant.

The last 21 years have been a bit of drought where interaction with the opposite sex have been concerned. That's probably understatement of the year.  It's not just about the physical aspect but i haven't had anything even remotely connected with sex this century.  It's about that closeness.  That feeling that someone needs you as much as you need them.  That feeling of being loved just for who you are.
The important point is that even 21 years later it hasn't gone away.  Every night when i close my eyes she's there.  Every morning when i open them again she's still there.  One of the things that i really missed at the time was that i didn't have anyone to tell....it's important.

I still get the ridiculous feeling that someday the telephone will ring.  Someday the doorbell will ring and there'll she be.
It won't happen ever but it's nice to have that dream.
My sell by date on the shelf has expired many years ago but that's just how it is (or so i'm told).  Somedays it's not so bad.  Today is not one of those days.
Maybe in another life?

ON AUSCHWITZ......MAY 2013

I paid a visit to both the main Auschwitz and Birkenau camps whilst in Poland in May of this year.
Before i write an account of my impressions of it, i'd like to make two points abundantly clear.

1.  I'm not a Nazi.
2.  I'm not a Holocaust denier.

I would ask that you keep those very important points in mind before reading this report.
If nothing else i'm a History Geek.
For me History is an ever changing topic.  Until a few months ago no one was 100% sure that Richard III had a deformity of his back.  Now the facts clearly show that he did.  History is about just that: FACTS.  And facts are only confirmed by compelling evidence in support of them.

I resent the fact that 'questioning' certain aspects of the Holocaust tends to lead to accusations of being a 'denier'.  That is simply not the case.  It's not wrong to question Historical evidence  but unfortunately the Holocaust is a taboo subject.  Any questioner is often labelled unfairly and unjustly as something they are not.  How can we ever learn without asking the 'why's' and the 'but's'?  If there are certain things you have questions about how can it be wrong in any way, shape or form to ask for answers.

I have my view on the Holocaust and on the 'camps'.  Some of the views i hold i'm not entirely comfortable with and one of the reasons i went to Auschwitz was to see if actually being there might change my opinion.
In most cases it didn't.  I left with many more questions that i had found answers to which was pretty disappointing on a purely personal level.

(to be continued)

DON'T GET SICK...DON'T GET OLD?

Never a truer word said methinks.  Sometimes my life revolves around Jim's lyrics way to much.  It's a failing on my part or perhaps not? He is a genius and many a time i've considered that he was actually thinking of me, personally, before putting pen to his Tesco Value notebook.

Today i've been thinking about how refreshing it would be to have an actual friend.  I used to have lots back in the day but no more.  Someone to talk to would be nice just once in a while.  To complain to, to mull over the minutae of everyday comings and goings.  What's going on in the world, what's on TV, the new Dollyrots album whatever?

I often wonder what's happened to them all?  Most have lives , have all done the 'normal' thing, went off, got married and had children.  I didn't unfortunately.  Although i was close, once, a long time ago. It happens and it's always the one who's left behind that suffers.

So, what is there to do about it?  Not an awful lot.  I don't get invited to things any longer.  Even if i did i probably wouldn't go.  Spending an evening in a room full of couples is not my idea of fun.  But it does hurt.  I'm safe in the knowledge that if the situation was reversed i wouldn't desert them.  I'd do my best to at least make something of an effort even once in a while.  It's not difficult to pick up the phone....is it?

There comes a time when the reality kicks in, you reach the grand old age of 48 and recognise that this is actually it?  The way it's going to be?  Recently someone told me that the way to cope is to convince yourself that the way your life is was your choice.  Why any sane person would choose this is another matter but it, kind of, makes sense.

Who knows?  In the meantime i'll have a quick chat with the Degu's.  They never judge.

Hello...good evening...welcome and goodbye?

One of the latest ideas from my Shrink is that i should look in the mirror every morning and then make a list of all the things i like about myself.  It's a pretty short list.

There's actually only so much a bloke can take until the elastic snaps.  Or only so many straws you can thrash a camel with before it's back breaks.  There's a point when you say 'no more' and actually mean it.
My latest bout of depression has been going on and steadily getting worse for the last few months.  It's always there, sometimes in the background but more often than not slap, bang, front and centre.

This time i've really tried.  Tried to find a way out of it.  Sought professional help and prepared myself for the actual horribleness of attempting to have an 'actual' life.  Prepared myself for the let downs, the hurts and the normal fucking awfulness of having to communicate with some fellow human beings. To being disappointed.  To feel the cruel twist of rejection and to experience, once again the very real pain of a broken heart.

Should have known better.  But then i never really do.

Enough is enough.  No more.  Bollocks to it.
It's just one kick in the balls after another and this balding, old punk has finally decided to throw the towel in.  I'm not going to force it any more.  Not going to go out.  Not going to speak unless i'm spoken to and sincerely doubt if i'm ever going to attempt to 'do the right thing' ever again. The only person i'm going to try and please is myself.
The good guys really do come last and fuck all comes to those who wait.

It's sort of refreshing in a bizarre sort of way.  The pressure is well and truly off now.  Not giving a fiddlers will be difficult but i'm determined to make it work.  My selfishness will know no bounds.  I can treat others as they treat me.  It might even be fun.

I'll continue to go to bed at night with the hope that morning doesn't come.  Continue to buy books ill never get around to reading, movies i'll never watch and games i'll never play until finally and mercifully oblivion comes.

But then again.  The football season starts again next Saturday.  The Crues away to Coleraine.
Maybe i'll go and see it?

My defeatist attitude?

As yet another day goes by without any direct communication with another member of the human race it got me to thinking.....
I wonder if i died tonight whilst asleep how long it would take before my body was found?  Would the Postman (or Postperson..i have a lady Postman!) wonder that my mail was stacking up?  Would my neighbours report a strange smell? The window cleaner might need paying?  Maybe stray dogs would gather out side my front door or hundreds of Blue bottles would be happily laying some eggs on my mortal remains?
All the possible scenarios might take a while....
I might even make the local newspapers.....'The body of a man was found etc. etc.' Instead of telling the truth  the neighbours and members of my so-called 'family' would all gather to say 'he was a quiet bloke.  Kept himself to himself'.  'How would we know.  we've ignored him for the last 30 years' would be more appropriate.
My Facebook and various Forum friends might wonder where i've gone if i'm away for a few days?  Who knows a lot of them might even be genuinely sorry.
So what would happen at my funeral?  Who would arrange it.  I haven't got a will so who would actually know that i want to be cremated and that i want my ashes spread on the terraces at Seaview, where i've spent some of my happiest hours?  Would anyone know that i want Kenickies Acetone played as my coffin went into the pyre.
Who would speak at the service?  Who would actually go?  What would they say?  Does anyone actually know anything about my life and how miserable it has been for the last 25 years or so?  How i go to bed every night not wanting to wake up in the morning.  How, sometimes i study the bottle of Seroxat and know that it would only take a few to do the job?  How sometimes the urge to pull my car into an uncoming truck is almost unbearable?  It's pretty unlikely, i would imagine.
Still out of the woodwork they would all come.  My coffin would be carried by some relative i hadn't seen in years.  Old work friends would gather and reminisce about the 'good old days' and i'd imagine that most would be sorry that they hadn't made more of an effort.  Someone might even put a notice in the newspaper, some might even see it, sigh for a few seconds before getting on with their lives.
My house would be cleared by some unknown stranger.  All my crap would be binned or taken to the nearest Charity shop.  Bob and Tailor would be put up for adoption in Pets at Home.  The house would be sold and someone would use the money to pay off my fairly substantial Credit Card debts and the rest would go to my next of kin.  No one would know that that my Stranglers collection is worth 10's of thousands of pounds and some one in the Cancer Research shop would have the luckiest day of their life.
My Minister often tells me that life is all part of God's plan.  That everyone has a purpose and that things are meant to be?  Someone up there is clearly having a laugh.
I wonder what my legacy would be?  How i'd be remembered?  What would people say when they thought about me?  He was in  band once?  He liked some foreign singer?  He watched the Crues?  He was good to his Mum?
Or maybe...just maybe i'm having a bad day?

ON INDIA

Ok then .....India has a Nuclear stockpile and a Space program. The UK is brankrupt.
If that is the case why do we give more money in foreign aid to India than any other Country?
And why is it when you question this you suddenly become a racist or a Nazi (or both)?

No more mobiles!

One of the sillier ideas the Conservative Party have announced recently is their idea to include removing Mobile Phones from offenders who have been issued with (amongst other things) an ASBO.
Not a very sensible idea, methinks. For a start all someone would need to do was to buy a new 'pay-as-you-go' phone. They're not very expensive after all and how would the Police enforce the rule? With great difficulty i would imagine.
However, in theory it's not a bad idea. I despise mobile phones with a passion. They are fantastic for what they are designed for i.e. in an emergency. They continue to be one of the worst blights of the 21st century (so far).
I would go a lot further than the Tories idea. As far as i am concerned the use of mobile phones in public places should be banned.
There are many very good reasons for this. Nuisance and public safety are just two.
Just imagine if i was to walk down Royal Avenue tomorrow shouting at the top of my voice? I'd probably be arrested. Seems ok when you've got a mobile stuck to your ear?
If you swear at a Police Officer now it is a chargeable offence under the Public Order Act. However, if you use public transport you can shout and swear as much as you like as long as you're on the phone.
Imagine if i crossed the road tomorrow with my head down, not, obviously looking where i was going. Stupid, yes? An offence, also yes? Likely to cause an accident, possibly? How many times have you spotted some twat doing just this whilst sending a vitally important (obviously) text message.
The whole worlds seeming fascination with these devices beggars belief.
And just don't get me started on fu*king text speak!

Short Video game Review

All Flash games are rubbish...right?
Wrong!
I've just finished this one called Ultimate Tactics.

http://clickjogos.uol.com.br/Jogos-online/Acao-e-Aventura/Ultimate-Tactics/

It's fairly short, easy fantasy strategy game, free and written with Flash.
It shares some similarities with the likes of Final Fantasy Tactics. A turn based game i found it very enjoyable. It's pretty easy (especially when you get the Archer) and short but not a bad effort all the same.
There is a little bit of 'grinding' to be done on the early levels in order to build up your experience for the later levels but that's the only disappointing think about it.
Graphics are bright and colourful and it's viewed in 2.5D.
Definitely worth a try.

Short Book Review

THE BOUNTY

(THE TRUE STORY OF THE MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY)

BY

CAROLINE ALEXANDER

'You'll not put your feet on me, you bloody bastard'. Those immortal words spoken by the dashing Fletcher Christian to the tyrannical Captain Blyth in the Marlon Brando/Trevor Howard movie version of the tale left a great impression on me as a young man.

Utter nonsense, off course. However, there are, i think historical events and characters that hold the public imagination in ways that will last forever. The infamous Mutiny on the Bounty is one such event.

I've read a few books on the subject and therefore approached this one with a certain amount of caution.

Firstly, the title. 'The True Story of The Mutiny on the Bounty'. This is the first major 'untruth'.

This isn't the author's fault. The fact is that nobody actually knows the whole truth surrounding the events. The only surviving mutineer, John Adams, changed his story so many times when he was discovered on Pitcairn Island that the truth is simply not known.

There are also two main viewpoints. Those who support Fletcher Christian and those who support Captain Blyth. The author is firmly in the latter camp. An opinion that i share. However, she finds no fault at all with the good Captain and this is something that i can't agree with.

The Captain Blyth portrayed in the movies is nothing like the man actually was (although the Mel Gibson/Anthony Hopkins version of the mutiny comes close). He was not a tyrannical bully. In fact as most ship Captains of the time went he was actually quite lenient. The mutiny took place simply because Christian fell in love on Tahiti and didn't want to go home. Understandable enough i suppose for a young man of his age and experience. The minority of the crew followed him for other simple reasons. They were common seamen. If you had the choice of living on a tropical paradise or starving on the streets of Bristol which would you have chosen? Blyth's mistake was giving the crew too much freedom whilst off shore and then leaving it much too late in his attempts to reinstate discipline once back at sea. He did not and does not, however, deserve the reputation he carries to this day.

The author has very little, if anything, good to say about any of the mutineers. This is again an opinion i share as they to a man tried to lie and cheat their way out of accepting any blame for the events that occurred.

The book is reasonably well written but i found it a bit 'dry'. It is meticiously researched, with the passages relating to the Court Martials particularly well done.

In the end, though, it is just one in a series of books about the Mutiny that offers very little new information.

I would still recommend for anyone who has an interest in the subject.

Friday Night Video

OK then. If anyone else introduces me to any more French pop stars i won't be responsible for my actions. My wallet just can't take any more.
This is Lorie with Weekend. Avril Lavigne eat your heart out.

Not Friday night Video

Ok Ok, so i know it's not Friday night. Can't remember what i was doing last Friday night but better late than never.
This is Client:Can you feel, from their new album Command (which arrived with me today).
Loved Dubstar and love Client. Sarah Blackwood has an amazing voice although she doesn't use it as well with Client as she did with Dubstar.

S.O.S. (Part 2)

At long last the world is beginning to take off it's collective blinkers and is starting to recognise the mockery that is 'Kosovo'.
As i have stated before, a nation built on terrorism and governed by terrorists.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7990984.stm