Short 'Look at me, I'm a Prod' Rant

After my last post and several, unfounded might i add, accusations of bigotry on my part, i decided to set the record straight. For fairness sake i conducted a similar experiment this Saturday in Belfast City Centre. Same route, approx same time. Results are as follows:-

Glasgow Rangers shirts - 0
Northern Ireland Shirts - 0
Linfield/Glentoran Shirts - 1 (I think it was the new Glentoran shirt ..not 100% sure)

As i said.....Its a f**king disgrace!

Short 'Look at me, I'm a Roman Catholic' Rant!

Last Saturday in Belfast City Centre i carried out a short experiment.
Between the City Hall and the Virgin Megastore on Royal Avenue (name to changed shortly no doubt), i counted no less than 17 (yes 17) various people wearing Glasgow Celtic, Republic of Ireland and GAA Shirts.
It breaks down as follows:-
Glasgow Celtic 11
Republic of Ireland (Football) 3
Republic of Ireland (Rugby) 1
Unknown Gaelic Football 2

Its a f**king disgrace.

Short Mouse Rant!!

I became a killer today.
On Monday last i flicked the light switch in the kitchen to find a mouse on my draining board. It flew like Lance Armstrong up Alpe D'Huez behind the washing machine. The thought of this horrible little thing pissing and defacating on my mince steak and where i make my morning sandwichies was enough to spurn me into action.
The next day i bought 2 mouse traps. 'The Nipper' they were called. For the next few days the mouse eluded me. I named it the 'Albert Einstien' of the mouse world. No matter what was in the trap it was gone the next day.
Porridge oats was the answer. Sprinkled all around the trap. It had to crawl all over it to eat.
Today i had success. There it was this morning dead as a doormouse(sorry).
And it was just a baby. It was just lying there with its eyes still open looking up at me as if to say - 'What have you done'. It was really delicate.
Now i'm not going to turn into Julian Cope but God i regret it! What right had i to take away the life of an innocent creature who, when alls said in done was just living its life the only way it knew how? I wonder did it hurt? Was the poor thing in pain?
Its the humane 'will not kill the mouse' trap for me next time.
I'm off to make a donation to the WWF.

Short Songs/Music at funerals Rant

Went to a funeral the other day. Not the most pleasant of things, granted, at the best of times. This was some distant relative who i'd never even met, so not too distressing. It was a family thing....you know how it is.
Anyway, the coffin went into the flames to the Soundtrack to 'Braveheart'. All swirling bagpipes and what not. It was this blokes fav so who am i to argue.
Got me to thinking!! What would i have at my cremation.
All 16 minutes of Hawkwinds PXR5 possibly just to piss people off. How i would laugh from next plane of existense. I would stipulate in my will that everyone would have to stay till it was over.
Thought some more and came up eith these 3 choices (in no particular order)
1. Kenickie - Acetone
2. Kate Bush - This Womans Work
3. Dixie Chicks - God Speed

People might even cry.....and wish they had visited more often.

Short PC Rant!!

Ahh the Personal Computer. What a wonderfull beast...All that power and all just at the touch of of a button. It just makes your heart sing with joy!!...............NOT!!
I love computer games. Really love computer games. I'm not very good at them but thats besides the point. The Personal Computer as a games machine sucks...big time.
I spent a wad of hard earned cash just before Christmas for a brand new one of these. All singing, all dancing 2.6 MHZ, 512 MB, 128MB 3D. You name it has it..all the bells and whistles money could buy.
Does it work ....oh yes. Does it play games ...........oh no!
Firstly theres the VXD errors, Kernell 32 errors, exception OE at module %&!!QMM++ errors to name but a few. So just what do all these things actually mean? Perhaps Bill Gates knows. And how do you fix them? Perhaps Bill Gates knows that too, because i don't.
Recently it has stopped recognising my DVD Rom drive. No reason it just isn't there any more.
Is it frustrating? No its much more than that.
There is however a solution. Its called the Playstation 2. Switch on, insert disc, press start and it works, first time, every time.

Short Classic Quotes of our time Rant!!

'I've met the man on the street, and he's a c**t'
Sid Vicious 1978

Short Winston Churchill Rant

Apparantly Winston Churchill had one. He called it his black dog. Well, i have a black dog too...and tonight...........Matthew.......its bared its teeth and has a firm grip on my throat.
And its such a difficult bugger to shake off.

Short TV can make you cry Rant!

You know how some things in life can make you cry...like piles or the new Doctor Who...but there are very few TV shows that fill me up and make me go all emotional.
Cold Case....you know the bit at the end when Lily always sees the ghost of the victim in the very last scene.....My so called Life when Rayanne took the overdose, or the Christmas episode.
Lately i've been really really loving Dead Like Me. Its been cancelled, naturally, like most shows that are worth watching..but somtimes it gets me going. Perhaps its Georges deep meaningfull monologues, Daisys religious episodes or whatever. It makes you think. Which is more than can said for a lot of things.

Short Bjork Rant

Someone recently bought me a 4 CD box -set of this womans recordings. Why.. i do not know!
How does anyone listen to this. Good God its appaling. 3 hours of tuneless noise.
Its like having your teeth drilled.
Its got to stop!!!!!

Short Political Rant!

I was in Belfast today and something really, really got on my wick!
There was a demonstration. I know what you are thinking....Belfast....demonstation....Hello!
Anyway it was about water charges. We in Northern Ireland are going to have to pay for water, you know the stuff which falls from the sky, in large ammounts.
It has its pro and cons. My opinion is fairly straight forward. The rest of the UK pays so why should we in NI be any different. Its one of those things...just hope it is a fair, metered system e.g. why should i (i sadly live alone because no one loves me) have to pay the same as my neighbours who have 6 in the house. Logically they will use more water than me and so should should pay more. But ..........this is an arguement for another day.

But, back to the demonstration. It was passing along fairly peacefully as i was trying to cross the road and what did i spot? Banners and protesters from...wait for it... Communist Party, Socialist Workers Party and last but not least those trendy lefties Militant.
Why does this sort have to hi-jack this sort of protest. What possible connection do the Communist Party have to a protest against water charges. This always seems to happen during this sort of thing.
Do left wingers have a monopoly on protest! It spoils what was a perfect legitimate protest and makes it a cheap political protest.
What really gets me is that no-one except me seems to object to this. Local Unionist MP Bob McCartney was there with the rest of them. Does he agree with a Communist Party presence?

We live in a country, here i mean the UK, not just Northern Ireland, where it seems to be socially acceptable to have extreme left wing views but unacceptable to have right wing views. I wonder what reaction a BNP presence would have had on todays demonstration.

I did however make a small protest by verbally abusing a Communist Party member, who seemed to disagree strongly with my views on North Korea, Checynea, Ethiopea.......etc etc.
Strange..

Film Reviews # 1

Josie and the Pussycats is a film based on the sometimes Archie comics characters released last year to a critical panning and Box Office misery.

This is a great shame because it is excellent!

The story is based around the rise to stardom of a small town girl group called, not surprisingly, Josie and the Pussycats. A ruthless record company rep plucks them from obscurity and molds them to become the 'next big thing'.
Its basically a musical/ comedy that cruelly exposed the music and advertising industry. The film is littered with product placements in the most obvious way possible. Which is its whole point.

Its contains some absolute classic one - liners and throwaways. The cast are excellent and Rachael Leigh Cook is superb as the titular character Josie. Oh and did i mention that she is absolutely georgeous. This may have coloured my view of the film somewhat.

The outstanding thing for me however was the music. Jane Weidlin from the Go Gos was involved and it shows. Every song is a punk/pop classic and the video for '3 small words' on the DVD extras is worth the purchase price alone.


Buy the soundtrack - watch the movie- you know it makes sense!

(did i mention Rachael Leigh Cook?). Thought so!!

THE NORTHERN IRELAND CIVIL SERVICE

Dontcha just love 'em!!!

Today my employers, The Northern Ireland Civil Service introduced a NO SMOKING policy throughout all thier establishments in Northern Ireland.

As a smoker you can probably guess that i am less than impressed. It was a loooooooong day today.
You may be surprised to find that i agree with the principal behind this. Not the offical line i.e. 'to improve the health of the workforce'. This is bollocks!!

It will increase the productivity of smokers throughout the service. In particular those smokers who wrongly believe that they are somehow entitled to a 'smoke break' and will frequently leave their workplace to use the smoking room. They are the people who killed the goose that laid the golden egg.

What really bugs me about the whole episode is this:-

They have also made going outside for a smoke during OFFICAL tea breaks a disciplinary offence! My tea break should be mine to do with what i please, smoke, sleep, yak whatever. Not allowed any longer. However, it still seems to be allowed to go for a paper, scone etc during tea breaks which is strange. Whether or not you can smoke whilst making the journey for your paper is anyones guess.

Don't like it......no not one little bit!

CRUSADERS 1 COLERAINE 1

At last a point!!!!


What more does a manager have to do to be sacked. Halfway through the season and 1 from bottom.
At least we scored a goal!
Its going to be a long, long season.