Enlightened Iran

Poor old Iran has been getting a lot of bad press recently.
What with the alleged Nuclear arsenal they have and their lunatic leader saying some very dangerous things about Israel and what not.
However, i was just reading in one of the 'quality' papers that Mobile Phones are banned in Iran. Use in public is a flogging offence.
What absolute joy!
Its almost as good a law as Oliver Cromwell banning dancing.
Now i could write a book about the things that piss me off about Mobiles, but, i swear if i hear 'hello...hello....i'm on the bus' one more time I'm going to go insane.
The Mobile is without doubt the biggest blights in any modern society. Great for what its designed for i.e. in an emergency, but God help us all, people just can't take their eyes off the f**king things for more than 5 milliseconds!
Viva Iran!

Classic Lyrics of our Time (Part 93)

'The shit we talk at disco's, the world over sounds the same'

Mick Thomas
Weddings Parties Anything
1993

The Kindness of Strangers

My Dad died.
It's a strange feeling. The last few weeks have been a bit of a haze. Like a bad dream where you think you'll wake up and everything will be OK?
Only it isn't. It's real.
It's like it's happening to somebody else and you're just looking on?
It's where i go from here that's the problem.
It's incredible how much you take for granted until it's gone.
I suppose at the end of the day the old duffer was 78 but God, i wish he'd gotten to 79. Or 89.
One good thing, if you can call it a good thing, is the kindness of strangers. Work colleagues, friends have all been great. Couldn't have asked for more.
Now it's just me and my Mum. Who's not good. No, not good at all.
As Jim-Bob once said, and my Dad liked a bit of Jim-Bob (believe it or not).

Don't get Sick
Don't get Old
Don't be poor
Do what you're told.

Its a fine philosophy.

In the end there can be only one.

As i slowly recover from my Ganglion removal surgery some bad news has blighted the usual uneventful life of Junkmale.
Bill Panzer has died after a short illness.
For those not in the know Bill Panzer was the co-creator of the Highlander series of Movies and TV spin offs.
Highlander: The Series remains one of my favourite TV shows. Its always been puzzling to me why it never had a higher profile or the success that it deserved. Except in France where they love it apparently? Anyone who has yet to discover it; the DVD box sets are always reasonable on eBay. With the 5th movie heading to cinemas later this year and Peter Wingfield now 'starring' in Holby City, hopefully now the franchise will be renewed and continue without its guiding light.

Rest in Peace Bill.

Yours Truly, Angry Mob

Been a very unusual week here in Junkmale land.

Firstly there was the small matter of Local Elections to a Devolved Government in Northern Ireland that i want no part of.
Off i went to vote anyway only to discover, much to my embarrassment that my Driving Licence had expired. Oops!
Now that i have IRA terrorist Mitchell McLaughlin as my MLA though, things can surely only get better.

Received, about 5th hand, some rather upsetting news about a friend of mine. Who then proceeded to verbally lambast me for having the audacity to be.......concerned? Cleared up later though after being informed that i am so desperate for a relationship that i will spend years cultivating a friendship on the remote possibility of having one! The words Don't and Flatter Yourself sprung to mind.

On the subject of verbal lambasment, my favourite blog http://www.everythingulster.com/ has been all cock-a-hoop this week. What with the Elections and what not.
Normally, Beano is pretty spot on with his news and views. This time however, i disagreed.
Debate is one thing, lowering oneself to personal abuse in order to win an argument is other.
Catch yourself on...indeed!

Stranglers drummer Jet Black is very ill with some sort of heart complaint.

Highlight of the week is the new album from Kaiser Chiefs..Yours Truly, Angry Mob. Its really rather good.

And then there is those generous Chaps at Sony. Not only will Europe have to pay a hugely inflated price for the PS3, but also, according to a 'reliable source' a good percentage of PS2 software will not work on PAL consoles. Thanks guys.

Last, but by no means, least - Loughgall 0 Crusaders 5. Now theres something you don't see every day.

Once in a blue.....?

I'm considering some cosmetic surgery this weekend.
The letters M-U-G tattooed across my forehead and a doormat attached to my back will do for a start.

Played by men with odd shaped balls?

Its nice to see that the annual farce of the Six Nations Rugby has begun again.

Firstly, i hate Rugby with a passion. Being a Grammar school boy i was forced to play this appalling excuse for a sport during my formative years. An experience i will never ever forget.

But, down to this particular competition.

'Ireland' is not an nation. It is an Island that houses 2 separate nations i.e. Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. For Rugby, for whatever reason, the countries are combined.

I 100% object to this and fail to understand how the sports governing authorities allow players from 2 different foreign countries to get away with it.

Can you imagine Scotland selecting Wayne Rooney for the next football World Cup qualifier simply because they live on the same Island?

If respect was shown to the Northern Irish players it might be different. All games are played in Dublin, the Republic of Ireland's flag is raised and the National Anthem of Northern Ireland is never played.

Parity of esteem it's not.

If they want to introduce a 7 nations championship i am all for it. To include England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, France and Italy.

At least that way it would be Geographically and Historically correct.

Pictured are some 'Ireland' fans celebrating the inclusion of the Ulstermen on the team.

With friends like these......

Read a very interesting news article the other day.
Apparently, jails here in the UK are in such a state of overcrowding that the Government has decided to begin a process of ' repatriating' foreign criminals to their own countries.
Couldn't agree more. Don't like the idea of having to pay tax to accommodate foreigners. However, there is a major fly in the soup. Criminals from the Republic of Ireland don't count because of 'the unique and special friendship that exists between the UK and ROI'.
Is this the same unique and special friendship that remained neutral during 2 world wars, refueled German submarines, harbored IRA terrorists, never once extradited even one back to the UK and whose constitution contains an illegal claim to authority over a part of the UK?
Oh yes, it's unique all right.

A little ditty for Valentines Day

'When the postman don't come on Valentines Day
When Santa don't come on Christmas Day
When your umberella won't open on a rainy day
Don't ask me , i already know'

Martin Fry
Somewhere in Gold Lame land

Short quote that i really liked.

'Life is a solitary affair and happiness a transitory blip between sorrow and death'

Sylvie Simmons
MOJO Magazine Staff Writer

All is quiet...

According to my Sarah Michelle Gellar 2006 callender, tonight is New Years Eve.
Should have known really, judging by the ammount of well wishers and party invites i've been flooded with. Honestly, its just so difficult wondering who to disapoint.
I'll be making 2 Resolutions.

1. To stop being sarcastic.
2. To not be here next New Years Eve.

All will surely be quiet this New Years Day.

New Labour...the party of the people!

Seems poor old Tony Blair's New Year holiday in his luxury mansion in Miami was delayed due to some problem with the areoplane missing the runway. Seemingly none of the other passengers knew he was onboard as he was in Business class!
Ah...the traditional values of the Labour party just fill me with warmth and happiness. It's nice to know that all the turn of the (previous) centuries campaigning by the under privilidged working class was not in vain.
At last they have a party that understands completly the needs and values of the common man.
Isn't it great that we no longer have to suffer the slease and mis-management of the Tories.

Celebrity Geography lesson No 2.

Slowly recovering from my usual Christmas heavy cold (with Flu symptoms) i put on the telly for Celebrity Matermind tonight. I was familiar with one of the 'celebrities' which makes a pleasant change.
One of the contestants, a female singer apparantly, had the Specialist subject of ' British Pop Music 2000 - 2006'. If its anything after about 1979 the chances of me knowing any answers would be fairly slim.
Bit confusing though that considering the subject just some of the questions/answers were Westlife, U2 and Britney Spears?
British Pop Music?
I know that multi millionaire Bono (that well known humanitarian) was given an Honorary knighthood recently but i don't think he's changed his nationality just yet?

Christmas shoppers paradise.

With the Yultide season approaching and as another year goes by without a snog, i thought some quotes would be appropriate.

'But instead it just kept on raining'

'Just had enough of this Christmas farce, happiest time of the year...my arse'

'Have yourself a merry, merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who have nothing
When you're drinkin down your wine'

'The older i get, the deeper in debt
Dusk gets nearer than dawn'

'Is this as good as it f**king gets'

The Northern Ireland 'Peace' Process

Just two things Mr Paisley if you are sitting comfortably..

1. You will NEVER be in Government with terrorists.
2. You will NEVER allow a foreign Government to have a say in the running of Northern Ireland.

Just in case you had forgotten....its why we voted for you.

Yet another pointless list??

I had to have a Barium Enema this week. Possibly the most humiliating and painful medical procedure known to man. Apart from the Colonoscopy and the Prostrate gland examination obviously. I suspect that giving birth isn't too pleasant either...but being of the male persausion i suppose i'll never find out.
Anyway, as i had my 21st bout of Picolax induced diorreah(sic) i got to thinking. I made a list of the top 5 people i'll like to see endure the dubious pleaseure of the Barium Enema. Not physically see but you get my drift.

1. Robbie Williams - he's a twat..you know he is.
2. Martin Maguiness - former Minister for education and self confessed IRA murderer.
3. Martin Lawrence - possibly the unfunniest person ever. With the possible exception of Josef Stalin or my ex boss David Brooks who had no sense of humour whatsoever.
4. Maragret Beckett - the world's ugliest politician.
5. Belladonna - my favourite porn star. Only because it would probably be a relief to her to have such a small tube pushed up her backside. As opposed to her usual assortment of items i.e. baseball bats etc. The woman has no shame.

More will come to mind i'm sure...watch this space.

For Erin...

The easy silence that you make for me
Its ok when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet that you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me...

Ta.

This is the last voice you'll ever hear.

So North Korea are to test a nuclear device...um.
In two minds about this one.
Firstly, as an Independent Sovereign nation North Korea are quite entitled to do whatever they like. Unless they clearly threaten another nation noboby has any right to interfere with thier internal politics.
On the other hand, it is quite alarming. The threat of a nuclear war is a world problem. One that could engulf the entire planet and in the end destroy us all.
So what to do? No doubt the US are preparing already and the entire Arab world are finding some way to blame Israel.
Me...i'm off to watch Threads.

Stranglers in good album...horror....shock!

I was but a mere slip of a lad when i first heard Go Buddy Go on the radio. If my memory serves me correctly i was about 13. It changed my life...no really.
The Stranglers have been a huge part of my life ever since. I've spent the best part of 30 years now collecting anything and everything that bears the name. For a long time i even wore nothing but black (still do now and again). Lots of Stranglers fans are obsessive, its a thing we have in common. Just the sound of JJ's bass or a Dave Greenfield synth run is enough to keep us going when things get rough.
Hasn't all been smooth though. When Hugh Cornwell left in 1990 it was the end of an era. The last Hugh album '10' was as good as anything they had ever done. The hits were still happening and it was a big big shock.
Stranglers mark 2 arrived. Lets call them the wilderness years, or the karaoke Stranglers years.
Roberts and Ellis just didn't fit in. John Ellis's insistence on fitting in a tinny guitar solo to every track was awful. Paul Roberts worked very hard but i didn't like the way he sang. I tried but it just didn't happen. The band i had grown up with had gone. Hughs solo albums were even worse.
There were a few gems hidden away, In Heaven She Walks was a great single that nobody bought.
Step forward Stranglers Mark 3. Ellis was gone (thankfully) by 2000, Roberts followed in 2006. Good bye and good luck. Stranglers fans worldwide rejoiced.
Suite XV1 the new album, the 2nd with Baz Warne has just been released. By God, its good.
It sounds like the Stranglers, it IS the Stranglers...like they'd never been away.
I'm so happy i could cry...no really.

Bitter and Twisted.....me??

The funeral of Shirley Finlay took place last week.
This poor unfortunate young lady was brutally murdered and her body dumped in Ballymena. It appears that she was (amongst other things) strangled. Police also strongly suspect that she was sexually assaulted.
Apparantly she lived alone and had some fairly significant psychological problems. She also appears to have drunk a lot and had lived in several foster homes.
Neighbours were quick to gather around and the usual platitudes were dished out .i.e. 'she was a quiet girl who kept herself to herself'. In other words nobody knew anything whatsoever about her. She was, no doubt, 'that wierdo who lives down the street'.
The funeral was attended by several hundred 'mourners'.
I wonder how many of them had even given her the time of day during her short and tragic life.
How many even knew her name before they read it in the newspapers.
Did they ever buy her a bunch of flowers when she was alive? I very much doubt it!
This brings me to the point of this rant.
I refer to my previous 'Sick of being sick' posting.
I have a very small circle of friends ( and i use that expression is the loosest possible way).
ALL of them without exception now know that i was in hospital recently.
Not a phone call, email, fax, text or anything else has been forthcoming from any of them. I could still be in Hospital for all they know? God God i could be dead for all the difference it would make. Not one has even bothered to try and find out. Whilst i admit i'm sick on a fairly regular basis its not too much to ask that someone calls to find out?

I'm sure that if Shirley could see what had happened after her death she would be wondering what its all about.
The point is that the dead can take care of themselves, the living need the support!