Monday, August 01, 2005

Short 'Put on your white coat and take me away' Rant!

The lights are on but nobodys home, Toys in the attic, a few shillings short of a pound!

I've known i was nuts for ages but last week, Monday to be exact, i was sent to see a Psychiatrist. I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping. A lot of trouble actually. You know how it is- can't sleep at night but could sleep all day (+ often do).

Anyway my Doctor, fine man that he is, thought i should see a shrink. So i went.

She was an elderly Scottish trout who didn't tell me her name so for simplisities sake for the rest of this Blog i'll call her Morag. No obvious insult intended to anyone unfortunate enough to actually be called Morag.

Initial impressions were not good. She seemed about as interested in me as i am in attending the next Westlife reunioun concert. It went from bad to worse. Some of the conversation went like this:-

Morag - 'So what do you do at nights then'
Me - 'Not an awful lot, read, watch TV'
Morag - 'So what do you do at the weekends then'
Me - 'Not an awful lot, read, watch TV'
Morag- 'So you have trouble meeting people?'
Me - 'No you asked me a question, i answered it'

It went on like this for quite some time. Very productive i was thinking. But then a couple of classics brightened up proceedings no end.

Morag - ' Do you take part in any sports?'
Me - No I'm 41 and if you had bothered to read my notes you would have seen that a large portion of my small intestine has been removed. Therefore, surprisingly enough i don't take part in any sports'

The best was yet to come:

Morag - 'When was the last time you had intercourse?'
Me - 'When dinosaurs walked the earth'
Morag - 'So it would be safe to say you are frustrated'
Me - 'Only when the wind blows'

It really was a quite exceptional experience. And she wants to see me again in a months time.
What joy, i'm sleeping better already!

1 comment:

junkmale said...

Fuck off and spam somebody else you absolute wanker.